Contd......
Me, My Guru – On disagreement
For every ‘me’
you had crossed this difficult line, there were many who had left her because
of their ‘selfish’ nature only. And some were even ‘masters’.
Would God save such masters’ students from them?
I doubt! Because those students went to them, selected them on their own. And
each bore the brunt of his choices! So true!
| Love |
But here I just wished Vaishnav would change for his own good! I just hoped it would be sooner than later, for her (our guruji’s) sake!
Why do we hold on to our negatives with such tenacity when all it did was give us pain and suffering? And then we complained we received problems in our lives. It was our own doing. But we didn’t accept it! We wanted to strongly believe that ‘others’ were responsible for our pain and suffering!
Not knowing where to go
with my thought, frustration and hopelessness, I sat to heal. I healed not only
myself but for once I even healed Vaishnav. Not because I loved him or
understood him.
But because she had patience to work with him and on him and
for her sake I wished he changed for his own betterment!
Concluded.......
# disagreements, relationships, love, trust, opinions, attitude
also read on this topic : https://kantipadam.blogspot.com/search?q=perceptions
Points to understand :
- There is nothing as perfect relationship or partner (in any relationship)
- The people in it make it perfect with mutual respect, trust and above all affection for one another.
- They still may hold different views, opinions on various subjects.
- They also know that they are seeing differently but they also know come what may they will stand by each other!
- You think the other has hurt you by not following your advice in short he didn't live up to your expectation. Did you ever realize that you also didn't live up to his expectations? If both didn't live up to each other's expectation then who is to decide who is wrong and by what standards and whose standards?
- Let's agree to disagree till we learn to know our 'dharma' of playing each of our roles.
- Let's be verbal (but without anger and hatred in it) about our expectations and feelings. Just as we can't know their expectations from us, they also can't know our expectations from us.
- Lets start a dialogue - i repeat 'a dialogue' not accusing them! But with a condition of not expecting them to accept all that we have to offer.
Homework :
In every relationship there are two people. One who is seeking advice, support and respect and the other who is matured, person who can be leaned on and taking care of the other.
Guru in this story represent the person who is more matured, balanced and with more experience and in the position to give advice with right intention. Vaishnav represents that person who is immatured, adamant, wants to follow his heart over common sense type of person in your life. You can also term him as immature and may be younger than you too!
(The two roles can be inter-changed during ones life time too!)
Now if you have a Vaishnav in your life - one who is not listening to your advice, being angry, adamant and going about doing things that can hurt him (as per your opinion), then are you also behaving as Vaishnav by your response?
Close your eyes and think about your situation. Now play it as it was played in this story. Replace Vaishnav with that person who is irritating, adamant, not seeing right etc in your life. Your job in this meditation is to see yourself in 'Guru's' role! Play it atleast once for 4-5 days and get back with results.
Next as you are in the Guru's role, are you suffering and in pain? Are you crying? If yes, did not Guru's character teach you how to behave with Vaishnav's of life? Work on those areas of yourself which is causing that pain and suffering in your life? Develop the qualities of 'this Guru in your situation and then play it in your mind sitting in mediation atleast once daily for 4-5 days. Get back with both your experiences!
And also give the feedback of your issue's present state.
FYI - This is how every story should be used for your situations in your life. It is not a story of some Guru who is perfect and some Vaishnav who is giving her problems. It is the story that is giving you how Vaishnav's of your life behave and how you are to behave as a Guru!
4 comments:
Thank you I will work on it .
Since last few days I have been thinking about a person like Vaishnav in my life thank you very much I will do this exercise and get back to u
Thank you. Now we know how to better understand the blogs. We mostly read it as stories and dint apply it to our situations.
Very beautiful & relevant topic for our growth...in relationships we learn about the other, ourself & the quality that holds it. When there is trust it leads to long standing friendship, & when it's not there it will tell on the relationship & also about us...it's a learning curve...our openness & we comes to the fore...
I have a good English friend who told me once that he has a good marriage for more than 30 years because both he & his wife wud always try to be open but be respectful of their differences & they wud try resolve their issues with an open dialogue...not that every issue got a happy ending, but there was an acceptance & not a dissenting voice in the background... they wud give the space to each other...
Reminds me of the famous Khalil Gibran quote - "Let there be spaces in your togetherness... For the pillars of the temple stand apart..."
Thank you & with love
Sridhar
I wanted to write sooner, but after having worked on the homework.
The story felt like I had known and lived it over and over again, but the twist in the form of homework was something I did not see coming. I always thought of the times when I was Vaishnav and when someone was Vaishnav in my life. I was able to realize my mistake as Vaishnav and heal it to a certain extent, but did not know what to do with the Vaishnavs in my life.
Before and after doing the homework:
Earlier I used to get annoyed when someone spoke of their pain/asked me an explanation to what’s going on with them, but when I answered they would say ‘I understand that, but .....’ (bottom line they wanted to hear something that validates their pain so they can feel justified to feel that pain). I was saddened, but I had the faith that someday when they are tired of running away, they will do the right thing.
After reading and understanding the above article and doing the homework, I see a change in my response. When I think of those moments now I see that they were disappointed in me because they had expectations which I did not meet. It caused friction. My answer stays the same but my expectation of them understanding my point is gone (which took care of my sadness/disappointment). I remember at times you told me to heal our relationship if it was bothering me. Now I see part (if not all) of why you gave that advise.
The spin worked and I feel I have a different perspective now.
Thank you Ma’am!
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