on choices!

https://kantipadam.blogspot.com/search?q=chose

wow, this link is a long one and that shows how many times and in how many ways this topic has been dealt with. 

Why? One, because I presume the person experiencing anger, frustration, sadness etc because of hurt, situations and people in life, expectations etc haven't read the old posts and even if they have they didn't give much notice to it as then it was not their problem or question.....

Not every story, explanation, quote, sayings or examples (and etc) touches everyone alike. Each of these have a taker and all the rest of the people are left where they are. When again this topic or this Truth is projected / explained with a different story or in a different way, it reaches some. Assuming that atleast one of these explanation would help you to see the area of problem and thereby make it easy to come out of the pit of sadness and anger easily i write again and again. (Am I wrong?)

And again I know this is easily said than practiced and takes years of practice and old habits make it much more difficult to take in new way of thinking. So just as the mind works hard to hold you to your old way of thinking, I take it upon myself to work doubly hard and from various angles to cut that way of thinking.

So end up with same topics again and again.......yet it is not the same. The topic is dealt from various angles, perceptions and degrees so people find their answers as per the intensity of their problem, the stage of their sadhan and thereby make it easy for them to apply it eventually effortlessly in all times of their life......

I know this is tough and that's why I say 'go ahead, i'll have your back even if you falter...'

may you find the strength to walk this necessary yet difficult path which is more than enriching as you work past its difficulties.....

Monk and the scorpion – Me, My Guru

 

Contd....

Monk and the scorpion – Me, My Guru

Virtue developed just for the sake of virtue raised a man to his Godhood even without his desire to become one!

Virtue was not a coupon to be encashed for material benefits. It is an investment towards our growth. Even a small act of virtue practiced gives immense satisfaction, happiness, contentment and peace. Every small act of virtue makes way for the man to claim his ‘Kingdom of heaven’. And no good act goes wasted!

As Rahul explained all this, we had goose bumps. We felt we had wasted our entire life arguing with silly reasoning that clouded our perceptions. But, we also knew ourselves. Even after being floored we would go back to our hatred, anger and arguments. We still would justify our emotions and actions with some day to day incidents to support them!

Our road wasn’t long. We made it so by choosing ‘not to walk it’ for our various reasons best generated by us! 

Concluded.....

# monk and the scorpion story, story on forgiveness, being self, character, helping and caring, being human, 

also read : https://kantipadam.blogspot.com/search?q=forgiveness+and+empowerment 

https://kantipadam.blogspot.com/search?q=poem+by+Ghalib 

Sit in meditation and look into your anger......address it and know yourself.......

once you seek the cause of your anger, its nature, its effect on your personality and relationships, its origin - no one need tell you what to do and how to do.......go within and look into your emotion......

Reflections – on addressing a simple issue – at last!

 

Contd.....

Reflections – on addressing a simple issue – at last!

The day you start listening to all that comes out of that mouth of yours is the day you’ll walk towards the abundance in your life. Till then, no blessing can save you from yourself!

So to wind up,

a.      Solutions to many of our problems may be right there for us to see. But, we overlook it because of our lack of clarity OR because we are not there!

b. 
    From any right example and incidents, we will be getting “wrong and twisted understandings” until we are healed that in us which is stopping us from seeing things the right way!

c.      Clarity of thought can’t just be had be wanting it. It has to be earned by removing, letting go of all that obstructs it from expressing itself!

d.     Healing always doesn’t mean getting something materialistic. It also would mean, developing abilities to ease our life the right way!

e.      Healing helps us in doing our jobs effortlessly. It helps us to see solutions effortlessly.

f.    
   Unless we have unhooked ourselves of our wrong perceptions, belief systems, attitudes, we can’t see and listen right.

g.     Logic in the fool’s hand becomes fundamentally illogical!

h.     Right logic doesn’t mean you are right. And if that is the “mind” you are so proud of and identify with no amount of blessing can save you.

i.       When and only when we question all that chatter that our mind gives out as “logic” can we progress for our betterment. Till then, we are moving only in circles – working continuously and yet reaching nowhere!

Contd.....

# reflections, solutions and problems, on solving the problems, solutions, on life, issues of life, mindfulness, awareness, clarity of thought, problem solving, beingness, disturbed mind, calm mind, seeing solutions, 

Also read: https://kantipadam.blogspot.com/search?q=Me%2C+my+Guru+%E2%80%93+On+gaining+clarity+of+thought

take time to go through the comments too - some are very informative - not just in this link but usually too....

 

Me, My Guru – On disagreement

 Contd......

Me, My Guru – On disagreement 

For every ‘me’ you had crossed this difficult line, there were many who had left her because of their ‘selfish’ nature only. And some were even ‘masters’. Would God save such masters’ students from them? I doubt! Because those students went to them, selected them on their own. And each bore the brunt of his choices! So true!

Love

But here I just wished Vaishnav would change for his own good! I just hoped it would be sooner than later, for her (our guruji’s) sake!

Why do we hold on to our negatives with such tenacity when all it did was give us pain and suffering? And then we complained we received problems in our lives. It was our own doing. But we didn’t accept it! We wanted to strongly believe that ‘others’ were responsible for our pain and suffering! 

Not knowing where to go with my thought, frustration and hopelessness, I sat to heal. I healed not only myself but for once I even healed Vaishnav. Not because I loved him or understood him. 

But because she had patience to work with him and on him and for her sake I wished he changed for his own betterment!

Concluded.......

# disagreements, relationships, love, trust, opinions, attitude

also read on this topic : https://kantipadam.blogspot.com/search?q=perceptions 

Points to understand : 

• There is nothing as perfect relationship or partner (in any relationship)
• The people in it make it perfect with mutual respect, trust and above all affection for one another.
• They still may hold different views, opinions on various subjects.
• They also know that they are seeing differently but they also know come what may they will stand by each other! 
• You think the other has hurt you by not following your advice in short he didn't live up to your expectation. Did you ever realize that you also didn't live up to his expectations? If both didn't live up to each other's expectation then who is to decide who is wrong and by what standards and whose standards?
• Let's agree to disagree till we learn to know our 'dharma' of playing each of our roles. 
• Let's be verbal (but without anger and hatred in it) about our expectations and feelings. Just as we can't know their expectations from us, they also can't know our expectations from us.
• Lets start a dialogue - i repeat 'a dialogue' not accusing them! But with a condition of not expecting them to accept all that we have to offer.

Homework :

In every relationship there are two people. One who is seeking advice, support and respect and the other who is matured, person who can be leaned on and taking care of the other. 

Guru in this story represent the person who is more matured, balanced and with more experience and in the position to give advice with right intention. Vaishnav represents that person who is immatured, adamant, wants to follow his heart over common sense type of person in your life. You can also term him as immature and may be younger than you too! 

(The two roles can be inter-changed during ones life time too!)

Now if you have a Vaishnav in your life - one who is not listening to your advice, being angry, adamant and going about doing things that can hurt him (as per your opinion), then are  you also behaving as Vaishnav by your response?

Close your eyes and think about your situation. Now play it as it was played in this story. Replace Vaishnav with that person who is irritating, adamant, not seeing right etc in your life. Your job in this meditation is to see yourself in 'Guru's' role! Play it atleast once for 4-5 days and get back with results.

Next as you are in the Guru's role, are you suffering and in pain? Are you crying? If yes, did not Guru's character teach you how to behave with Vaishnav's of life? Work on those areas of yourself which is causing that pain and suffering in your life? Develop the qualities of 'this Guru in  your situation and then play it in your mind sitting in mediation atleast once daily for 4-5 days. Get back with both your experiences!

And also give the feedback of your issue's present state.

FYI - This is how every story should be used for your situations in your life. It is not a story of some Guru who is perfect and some Vaishnav who is giving her problems. It is the story that is giving you how Vaishnav's of your life behave and how you are to behave as a Guru!

Me, My Guru – On Gratitude!

Contd....

Me, My Guru – On Gratitude!

Our eyes were moist and hearts heavy. Silence bound us together and we all rejoiced in a joy that was beyond description!

And all these years we thought Master meant more power and hence no problems or issues in life. Yes, I know only Masters who used ‘Reiki’ to being material abundance in life and that’s what seemed as ‘good returns’ from Reiki for them as they flaunted them! And we always thought ‘our Guru’ so lucky that she had no issues in life and hence was always happy! And we always wanted to have her life!

Now it was clear! She wasn’t happy ‘because of situations’. She was ‘inspite of situations in her life’. She didn’t put any condition of fulfillment of her desires or didn’t suffer when her expectations weren’t met. It did trouble her and cause her pain but she didn’t see in as a reason to question Reiki or God. That exactly was the reason for her to celebrate life, thank Reiki and God!

For what we cried, she celebrated!

Suffering or celebration, love or complaint depended solely on the eyes of the beholder was so true! It meant ‘the perception’ here. ‘Gratitude’ certainly was a huge word and I needed to attend God knows how many more of such sessions to get the feel of ‘tip of the word – Gratitude!’

But for now, it seemed like we received more than we had bargained for!

Would we able able to see love in the acts of our near and dear ones or judge them based on our petty expectations and conditions? Would we receive love? Could we recognise it even if it was already there in our life? If we hadn’t noticed it, how then would we validate it or celebrate it? Would we be going around asking for ever ‘why can’t I receive what I want?’ for eternity or would we look within and work on our perceptions?

So many questions and hardly any answers! But the good news was we also held he answers within us and in our power. We only had to recognise our ‘wrong perception’ and accept to throw it away and be free of such of nature that was stopping us from embracing life!

Wishing and hoping we do that, we called it a day! But not before understanding that ‘situations don’t make or break us, we use them to make or break us!’.....

Concluded....

read also : https://kantipadam.blogspot.in/search?q=why+can%27t+i+be+happy

Gratitude - a perception or a choice?

...contd....

 

Each had his opinion and each put forth problems or difficulties to applying these ‘perceptions and possibilities’. When someone explained at times we were in awe of such a mind-set and the way that person conducted himself. At other times, we felt it was good in theory and next to impossible in practical world. In some cases we felt it was beyond even discussion. And yet here found our own friends talking from their own experiences and saying all this was a possibility. They were no ‘Rama’ or ‘Krishna’ (meaning Avatars or incarnations). They were no saints either. They were just simple human-beings like any of us leading a life full of issues that each of us was facing. What set them apart was only the way they conducted themselves. And yet instead of using their ‘conduct’ as an example to conduct ourselves, we were doing post-mortem of their acts, incidents and all just so we could find an excuse as to why we couldn’t ‘live that possibility’ in our lives.

One more chance lost by logic and justification of our acts! Once more we advanced our ability to rise its’ bar to live the possibility of being balanced, sensible and detached. And yet we were the people finding fault with people and situations in our lives. We felt like victims of situations. Maybe, we never want ourselves to come out of this. Maybe we never want to free ourselves of this pain, anger and frustrations. There possibly couldn’t be another explanation for our stupidity.

We all talked, argued, discussed and justified long enough to arrive at our conclusions. It was not humanly possible to apply all ‘great qualities’ to all situations. We also agreed that what applied in one’s life couldn’t possibly be applicable in another’s life. That was so relaxing, we felt as if a huge burden was off our shoulders.

It was funny to see this side of ourselves. I pitied ‘our Guruji’ for making so much of effort to lift us to our possibility. She tried tirelessly to raise our bars and we were so committed to our little nature, our fears, pains and anguish. We didn’t want solutions. We loved to complain. We longed to suffer. We chose to feel victimised and hence argued against any solution given to us.

Her task was no easy one. And yet........

Did this revelation make me re-consider my stand? I doubt if it did. That was so bad. I knew it, felt it and yet didn’t want to live it.

This session was both exhausting and fulfilling and yet I didn’t know if I would apply anything that I learned here in these two days. I caught couple of others holding the same thought. Good for me for I had company!

We left her place late night. I was experiencing a strange mix of emotions – guilt, happiness, envy and even a comfort. I didn’t think I would try to understand them today. That was for another day. As of now, I carried with me picture of her smiling face and reassuring words “you have a choice to choose - always".

 

Me, My Guru – On disagreement

Contd.....

Me, My Guru – On disagreement

“But so many of your explanations are painful to me!” he cried out.

Perceptions

“It is not my explanation that is painful. It is your expectation from me. You want me to give answers which are pleasing to your taste and ears. Those answers you already know. Why should I reiterate what you want to hear? I’ll only give answers that need to be given!” our Guruji was still explaining, when he cut in to complain. “But I don’t agree with them. I hate God for making you say such things when they don’t mean anything.”

“My answers are not my opinions or beliefs. They are ‘absolute truths’. You need not believe them. You need not accept them. In fact, I don’t expect you to understand them either. Yet, my answer would remain so! They are not for you to believe, understand, or accept. They are to be heard by you, as of now! You are free to disagree with them; that’s your choice. But my duty is to give an answer which is needed; one which is right. I am not here to please you with my answers; I don’t have to win you over with it. So feel free to disagree wholeheartedly with my explanation and answer.”

Being respectful in spite of differences of opinion

“But everyone is judging me for disagreeing with you” Vaishnav sulked.

“They are not angry because of your disagreement. Their anger is because of how you disagree” she replied.

Disagreement on an issue is not personal

“Sorry Guruji, I didn’t get it” he said, a little mellowed.

Contd........

# agree to disagree, opinions and issues, personal relationships, anger, control, conditions, acceptance, forgiveness, art of living the right way in a given relationship, concern and control, judging, respect

previous posts on this topic : https://kantipadam.blogspot.com/search?q=opinions 

Questions addressed : 

• Why does that person not understand?
• How to make that person see reason?
• What do I do about the pain and suffering because that person doesn't understand me?
• How to address anger that comes when someone doesn't accept what you are saying?

Points to ponder upon :

• Opinions, beliefs are subjective. Don't make them personal.
• Just because some one doesn't accept, see your opinion it doesn't mean he hates/dislikes/disrespects you.
• They don't agree with your opinion means they don't agree with your OPINION only! It doesn't mean they have problem with you.
• Learn to see the difference between person and his opinion.
• As long as we identify with our beliefs, opinions, advice we suffer when it is not accepted, rejected or ridiculed. Heal the identification NOW! 

Observation :  The way you have described yourself in one word is interesting in more than one ways. Just note it in your journal with present date on it. This description may change for some of you at a later date. That is ok. The day you feel you are better described in a different word or sentence than what you presently feel, again write it down in your journal ..........

Regarding describing others - fascinating. Some descriptions make it so intriguing and I wish I met some of them......good........