On knowing self! Me, My Guru

On knowing self!

Me, My Guru

Today’s sesson was going to be special – or that’s what I had gathered from what she (my Guru) said. What and how it was special was not known to me or us. After attending so many of her classes and sessions we no longer asked her ‘what the class was about’ – we blindly paid the fees and attended her class – whenever she decided to conduct one for us. I think this was the ‘gift we gave ourselves’ thanks to our trust in ‘her’ now – after so many years of councelling, healing and attending her lectures. This gift made us comfortable and relaxed. It helped us to be – just be for the classes without any expectation or demands.

I, over the years had realized that if I was in a better frame of mind when I attended her session or class, I actually benefitted far more than otherwise! And so today I was bit angry and more upset with myself for not being in right frame of mind. These couple of days had been bit taxing to me – emotionally. Not that I had major issue or anything. Actually it was a very small thing. I knew it and yet couldn’t get myself to get over it.

Not satisfied with how I felt, I entered ‘the class’. We were just few of us in the class today – just about ten of us. That seemed like a relief. At the same time it meant I was more in the open than usual. How can the same thing be both good and bad at the same time I wondered!

We exchanged pleasantries fro sometime before our session. But inspite of it, the air seemed heavy with ‘God knows what’!

....contd......

on knowing self!

On knowing self!

Do I know myself?

Do I take time to be with myself?

What does knowing self means to me?

And what do I do once I know myself?

Knowing is no knowing if I don’t work on transforming myself ......and the work doesn’t stop till I transcend myself........

Now which myself should I know? And which one should I transform and which one should I transcend and why?

These questions bother me....

I have carried them since time immemorial....

I think they deserve an answer now......

And I need to look within........NOW!

On silence....

On silence....

Sometimes, all I want is Silence...A long uninterrupted silence.

I am not speaking about the silence that is deafening....

It is not even the silence that devours me......

I don’t even like the silence that frightens me....

I am talking about the silence that is silent and soothing and calm.........

I seem to get all types of silence except the one that I want........

It’s the other types of silence that drives me towards noise and sound....those are the ones that keep me engaged and occupied. They are the reason for my talking. They are the ones driving me towards outside.

Oh, for the silence that is noiseless and musical in its silence.......

Me, My Guru - Ramayana and Rama - Indian Mythology

Contd.....

Ramayana and Rama - Indian Mythology

“Still confusing maam” said someone from left.

“Well, let’s see it this way. Suppose life to be a train. You take a train to Madras from Hyderabad. You are ‘destined’ to reach Madras if you sit and travel in that time till the end. But you get down at Vijayawada. Taking Madras train is ‘destined’ but your decision to get down at Vijayawada is the ‘present karma’ that will decide how your life takes a turn because of this decision. Once a decision is taken, it becomes karma – a seed that will reap fruits or effects according to its quality and then how you deal with it will decide your next course of travel”.

She stopped looking at us with a look “did you get it now?”

Most of us didn’t and may be our silence said it all.

“Forget about it today. Atleast are you clear about questions with regards to Rama and his acts” she asked.

“Yes there we are clearer this time” said many.

There seemed to something ‘more’ to learn always! The more we learned, the more questions we seemed to get and have. Is it good or bad, I don’t know.

Knowing or understanding something certainly gave a high of getting a new and different perspective many times. At the time, questions that remained unanswered or answers yet not understood left a sort of gap in us.

But may be we were not ‘yet ready’ to understand those questions or answers yet!

I’ll keep coming back for more questions to be answered and understand for sure! I’ll understand much more than what I’ve till date for sure too! This ‘knowing’ was good enough for me to relax and take leave of her place. Looking forward to see the next twist that ‘our destiny’ was to give to us..........

concluded........

(As always I suggest you read the all the posts of this topic in one go for complete understanding - again....)

related posts : http://kantipadam.blogspot.in/search?q=kurnool

(Please note ::: I can give you only link to one of the posts of the topic that i am referring to...if you wish to look into that whole post just click 'older' or 'newer' posts below that post and you will easily maneovour between various posts...)

Me, My Guru - Ramayana and Rama - Indian Mythology

    

Contd.....

Ramayana and Rama - Indian Mythology

 

By the time we completed our tea, she (our Guru) opened her eyes.

“But Guruji that doesn’t answer the question that since we are driven by destiny we can’t be held by our acts or their effects” said Vijaya.

“I hadn’t completed my explanation yet” she (our Guru) replied with a smile and continued “As per your logic Rama’s act of banishing Sita is destiny and he shouldn’t be held responsible for such an act. Good enough! I’ll take it from only that angle. But why did or how did ‘Destiny of Rama’ happen?” she waited smiling and looking at Vijaya.

“Because he killed wife of Sage Bhrigu” replied Vijaya sheepishly.

“Exactly!” she (our Guru) said “So you see we write our Destiny by our acts and the effects are borne by us. Because of his act of killing he had to suffer separation from his ‘beloved wife’ for such a long period of time. This pain is not as simple as it sounds. It’s only a person who ‘loves’, knows it!

This is not same as the one ‘who wants’ the other person (partner) and whose love means ‘possessing that person’. Well coming to karma, our acts are not painted black and white by the Universe. ‘Destiny’ or effects of our acts bring us to a point but it is again our decision and our act at that time which again becomes cause of ‘future Destiny’.

Lord Vishnu incurred a curse that brought him to a point where he had to make a decision with regards to his wife. ‘Being at that point’ is destined. But how he reacts or responds depends upon his character.

He chose ‘Dharma’ and hence went on to become ‘Purushottama’ – the Ideal Man in the annals of human history. But his decision caused him and his love of life – Sita to suffer immeasurably. That is the punishment of his previous karma (that of killing wife of Sage Bhrigu).

“Still confusing maam” said someone from left.

contd......

related posts : http://kantipadam.blogspot.in/search?q=love

Me, My Guru - Ramayana and Rama - Indian Mythology

      Ramayana and Rama - Indian Mythology

Contd.....

To fulfill our soul agenda we are to take decisions and every decision has its repercussions and we on no count can escape that even if our intention was right and act ‘selfless’.

Someone cut her explanation and asked “All that is right Guruji, but you said it was the ‘curse’ that was the cause of ‘Sita’s banishment. Then Rama need not bear consequences of that act. Even that ‘dhobi’ – washerman is not at fault who questioned her purity. They were only being pawns – no infact ‘helpers’ in carrying out that ‘destiny’ called curse to happen. So why should they suffer the consequences of their karma?”

Aziz immediately answered “forget the loan you’ve lent me then. That’s how it was to happen. And tomorrow if you meet with accident don’t blame the person who hit you, accept it as your karma”. We all laughed. Aziz had funny way of explaining these Truths. Yes, we twisted Truths and Laws to suit ourselves and hide our intentions. But whom are we fooling?

“We may fool or convince the entire world and assuming I am an Atheist and God doesn’t exist, it may seen like picture perfect, but unfortunately the entire world and even when and if God forgives my CNS (Central Nervous System) doesn’t I am not punished for my acts of karma but by the acts of karma” she closed her eyes and went silent.

That hit us hard “We are not punished for Karma but by our Karma” So true!  The session had gone on for quite long and we wanted our much looked forward to tea break. Our Guru was lost to our chatter. She sat with eyes closed. Over the years it had happened so many times that now our chatter didn’t bother her and her silence didn’t interfere with our chattering. We were comfortable in our respective zone in each other’s company. Till now it looked good. But during our conversation I realized that it was sad and we didn’t pick up a need to go into silence inspite of her proximity and her setting an example. I didn’t know whom and what to applaud! Her tolerance towards our attitude or our commitment not to practice what was taught by her living! The loss of course was ours; but that understanding was lost the moment tea was served. Our attention shifted to our cup and our ‘speck of realization’ was pushed towards back of our head.

By the time we completed our tea, she (our Guru) opened her eyes.

Suggested reads : http://kantipadam.blogspot.in/search?q=fate

Me, My Guru - Ramayana and Rama - Indian Mythology

Contd......

Ravana’s logic does hold good to women and people who are clamouring only for physical joys. It falls flat for people who value their loved ones more than material things.

Like-wise people with crooked intentions can twist Rama’s act to justify their actions. But 

.   a.  That doesn’t make Rama’s act wrong.

    b.  It doesn’t right their wrong acts.

Rama at no place disrespects women. Infact, he respects Sumitra, Kaikeyi and other queens of his father as much as he did his mother. His personal benefit was nil, infact he suffered his separation from ‘his Sita’. The pain of ‘Viraham’ – separation can be understood only by a person who has ever loved! How can mortals who are governed by sex in their relationships know what ‘viraham’ is?

When a man leaves his wife :

-  

    Because his family disproves of his wife, then it is wrong. It is duty of a husband to protect his wife – even against onslaught of his family members. She comes to his house leaving her parents and her home trusting him to protect her. When his family assassinates her character or her personality, she doesn’t fail, he fails. He’s failed as a husband. A man if is not able to give material comforts inspite of his best efforts, then he is not faulted. Yes, he may be taunted by his wife and others but ‘as per Dharma he is not wrong’. He hasn’t failed as a husband. But if he doesn’t stand by her when she is assaulted even verbally by his family members or others, then he is no man. He is a ‘sinner’. He’s gone against ‘Dharma’. He is no man. He’s one with that who’s committed a murder of a spirit. This is ‘Dharma’. This rule applies to all men. They may justify their actions but the Nature takes its course based on this ‘Dharma’ only. Even if his wife forgives me or doesn’t hold grudge against him if he hasn’t realized the pain she has endured in his family and doesn’t seek her forgiveness, he has to bear consequences of his acts.

-  Sita didn’t hold it against him yet she couldn’t accept that she was asked to prove her purity in future and hence went into the folds of Mother Earth.

In Kaliyuga, Sita can leave her husband if her pain crosses the threshold of her tolerance. She is ‘still right’ – not as per feminist but ‘as per Dharma’. And Rama lived a ‘lonely life’ for the rest of his life. That was his punishment. In his next janma as Krishna, as he knew the fact that he had failed as a ‘husband’,  to compensate, he is ever eager to please his women folk. He lives as a ‘person who lives only to please his wife’. The mistake in life is to be corrected in following janmas for sure! There is no excuse even for the Lord and even if he acts as per Dharma. He was ‘right’ as king but ‘as husband’ he had wronged his wife – for sure, so he had to bear consequences of the same. This is the ‘Law of Karma’. This is the journey of the soul. That’s why as Krishna he remains as a ‘King maker’ and doesn’t become a king inspite of being more qualified than all the kings of that time put together. 

contd..... 

suggested reads : http://kantipadam.blogspot.in/search?q=dharma