Me, My Guru
Contd.....
“The biggest
communication problem is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to
reply”. We listen in a defensive mode.
And hence attack her words. Listen, listen and listen. This had been her mantra
all these years. And yet we were in a hurry to justify ourselves and our
actions. We thought she didn’t understand us. We thought “she didn’t live our
lives and our situations and hence couldn’t understand us. She was judging us
without being in our shoes. We were the way we were and we did what we did
because of our circumstances and people in our lives. If only she listened to
us!” It was always the same. Be it her or for that matter anyone in our life.
We felt they didn’t understand us. And hence when they talked we automatically
closed our ears to them. It was not like solutions were not out there for us.
It was not like no one liked us. It wasn’t as if all wanted to hurt us. She had
been telling us all this and more all these years. It was just that we weren’t
listening.
I was walking on
the road along the Dal Lake. I had my shikara ride. It wasn’t as romantic as it
seemed in ‘Kashmir ki kali’ the famous Shammi Kapoor film. The lake itself
wasn’t clean. It looked pathetic. I felt bad – for the lake, for the city and
for myself. How we carelessly spoilt all things beautiful and given free in our
lives. And to think we worked very hard for all this! Yes, it needed lots of
efforts to spoil such a beautiful lake. We were ready to work – only thing is
in the negative way. Somewhere, I could see the same reflected in my
relationships also. I wasn’t putting any effort to keep it clean and beautiful.
I was using it but my input was that of abuse. No doubt, it stinks few years
down the line. And then I blame the other party for the pain in the
relationship. Many times I had wondered if I had changed as a person after
coming to Reiki? Now, I knew for sure where and how. I had let go of all the
relationships that were parasitic and selfish to the core. Initially, I used to
feel bad that I am letting go of my friends and family. But, what are friends
and family for? If all that they contributed to was pain and suffering and
abusing me in the relationship, then it was good to say ‘goodbye’ to those dead
and deceased relationships. I didn’t explain myself or my actions to anyone.
They would judge based on ‘who they are’ and not on ‘who I was’. So, it didn’t
matter what they thought of me. I was free of these entire luggages that was killing
me from within and pulling me down. These relationships have been my greatest
teachers and they didn’t know what they had taught me. I graduated from their
class the day I said “I deserve better than you’.
My Dal lake was
my own sweet heart. I deserved to clean up my ‘Dal lake’ and fill it with
lotuses of love and happiness. I wanted to clean it up so I could see my
reflection in it just as the mountains would reflect in the clear water of this
lake water if they were cleaner. I kept staring at waters till late night.
Contd....
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