On comparison with self

…contd….

She smiled ‘so, you’ve decided to compare one way or the other, with one or the other. Right? You’ve decided to not let go off ‘comparing’? right?

But, how can I hurt myself by comparing with myself? Moreover, won’t I feel better if I compare my present with past? I questioned totally confused. I mean what harm can I do to myself with such a comparison?

‘Assume that you are eating Biryani (very delicious dish unique to city of Hyderabad) in your friend’s place. You compare it with ‘Paradise Biryani’ (Paradise is the name of the restaurant famous for Hyderabad Biryani) you’ll feel ‘Paradise Biryani’ is no doubt better than this one and long to eat that Biryani. What is the harm in doing it? A. The Biryani you are eating now automatically becomes ‘bad’ and you loose out on it’s flavor b. The emotion you generate while eating decides the energy into which that food gets converted into. Here, since it is of ‘not good’, dissatisfaction, irritation et like , hence the energy generated is such that energy becomes my ‘manas’ or ‘my vrithi’ – my nature which becomes basis of my karma. When done few more times, it becomes the nature of my ‘manas’ (mind) to ‘compare’ with something else and feel cheated and incomplete now. Since we are not satisfied here, we long to ‘become satisfied and hence the search begins searching for it in all places and things.  But, the more we search, more we become tired and feel cheated of our happiness inspite of our ‘hard work’ and ‘right intention’. How silly yet sad is it? It’s like the great Saint-poet  had said –

‘kasturi kundal base mrug dhoondhe ban maahi’

It means a deer called ‘kasturi deer’ has a scent emitting organ on it’s belly but it keeps going around the jungle searching for it here and there. And stops searching for it when tired and thinks, ‘no, what I smell can’t exist. Because, if it does, I should’ve found it by now.’

We are as silly as that deer. Our dissatisfaction and satisfaction depends on our ‘manas’ and yet we try to find it in the objects and persons of this world. No doubt, even after amassing  all and having so many people in our life, we feel incomplete and lonely and complain ‘I lack love in life’.

This energy that we generate attracts similar situations in life and our life becomes a vicious circle of dissatisfaction – pain – anger – disillusion – depression – hopelessness – suffering – dissatisfaction.  This way every comparison with the past can only generate pain and suffering in us.

You may argue that I feel good when I log on to positive memories. Fine! Note the time and then close your eyes and do this exercise. Take a deep breath and relax. Relive a ‘good moment’ of your past. Feel your emotion. So far so good! Live that moment in toto! Go through every detail. When you are done, simply open your eyes and note the time.

We did as she told us to. I opened my eyes and found few had already done that and others still were with eyes closed. We waited till everyone completed doing it.

…..contd….