On being judgemental

On being Judgmental

Me, my Guru

What my Guru said about comparison kept ringing in my ears for days to come. I tried to apply it i.e., by not comparing. But, more I became conscious of that fact, the more I realized that ‘comparison’ was not once in a while act. It was the underlying act – a natural process that was going on all through the day with one and all! This revelation shocked me. It shook me! ‘Not to compare’ meant ‘stop thinking’ 50% of time. It was that simple to put it across. ‘But, just imagine, not being able to think 50% of time – mission impossible! Yet I was hell bent on trying it out.  Initially, I jumped from one thought of comparison to another and all I felt I was doing was cancelling thought after thought. And so, I couldn’t continue beyond 5 mths. Yes, that was max I could do. Even that would sap all energy off me. But, practice I did. And later on, after few days, I noticed that the frequency between two thoughts of comparison had reduced. I felt up the good work. It took few months of ‘conscious’ practice to achieve this goal. But now, I found myself comparing only ¾ times per hour. That was a huge achievement for me. I knew I could reduce it further too if I kept up with this practice for few more months.

I felt more peaceful than before – less irritated and agitated. I caught myself smiling few times a day too! This incentive was enough to help me hold on to this ‘hard task’.

It’s time I felt to go to my Guru’s place. She really would be happy to hear my progress! I may also get few tips on how to do this more effectively!

I reached her place by 9 am. I found others already cleaning her garden there. Yes, we had all talked over phone and decided to meet today at 8.30am.

They as usual were on time and I as usual was late. I felt bad. But somehow, I could never come on time. But this was better. Earlier, I used to come at least 1-2 hours late. Now, I am only ½ an hour late. That’s my growth and I was proud of my growth. I shared the same with Priya as I helped her prune a plant. She smiled. I thought it was odd and I asked her the reason. She said ‘we all practiced’ not comparing ‘all these months and today wanted to meet to discuss our progress and see we started the note on ‘comparing’ – back to square one. Isn’t it?’

I felt so stupid. So true! All my joy vanished in thin air. It happened so smoothly that I didn’t even realize it. God knows how many times it has already happened with me.

….contd……