Me, My Guru Love – Bhagavatam

Me, My Guru

Love – Bhagavatam

We arrived a bit early today! We sat under the Mango tree in the courtyard. She was to come ½ an hour later. The morning breeze was cool enough to make us feel good and sunlight was warm enough for us to want to bask in it for some more time. The weather today was awesome! No, I didn’t notice this till others expressed it so. It was then that I realized that I was so oblivious to so many ‘good feelings’ around me. No doubt, they were more smiling and happier than me!

Suddenly someone asked “Are we actually benefitting from these classes? Obviously by way of ‘knowing data’ but are we applying it and letting it transform us and our lives?”

This was exactly what I was thinking before I heard it. It was as if someone had picked up my ‘idea’.

“After knowing about redundancy of doing rituals ‘blindly’ and mechanically, I’ve changed my approach towards my sadhan’ I started.

“Did you stop doing it all together?” someone asked and we all ended up laughing. I laughed too! Because, that was how I would have understood it earlier. Many other ‘statements of hers’ were also gloriously misunderstood in the similar way by me. I laughed at that possibility. And I thanked ‘her’ for being patient with me and insisting enough to push me to do ‘sadhan’ all these years which had resulted in this understanding. It was so easy to say “I understood on my own. I heard it elsewhere and I thought of it myself” and rob her of her credit. No, she never kept count of these credits. But it again reflected ‘my character’. How did I understand and why

not 10/20 years back, before meeting her? Why you took so long to understand? People were manipulative enough with their bent logic to not recognise scores of counselling that she gave. They didn’t validate her explanations. Her healing too was not taken into account. When understanding happens, the credit goes to me! And when things don’t work out in my life “why maam/God, when I trust you so much then why is this happening to me?” So simple! When things go wrong it is reiki/Guru/God’s mistake and when I achieve something ‘the whole credit is mine’. How convenient was that!

This was not my ‘understanding’. It was Rahul who explained everything to me. He also told me one more thing that hit me. ‘People who think they are smart use her name and quote her and get away doing what they want to do and what they want to say. They keep saying ‘oh, she taught us so much and yet when we look at their attitude, actions and character we see that they are lying and only fooling people to believe that they have ‘gratitude’ when in fact they don’t have any. They say these things to fool their students and project the ‘expected behaviour from their students’ this way.’ Then I noticed this game which others were playing and trust me, it really hurt me a lot! I respected and loved her more for all that she was receiving from ‘such students’.

But, I am glad atleast today and on this issue I am on this side of this line. I thanked her, reiki and myself too for sticking to her so long and not to have left her for someone else! Yes, it did take 20 long years for me to complete just this stretch of journey but am I glad I did it!

....contd.....