Me, My Guru - On giver and receiver

...contd....

I received a call which I had to attend for sure! I excused myself to attend that call! I missed the later part of conversation and yet it seemed complete to me. By the time I came back to attend the session, it was over and everyone was taking her leave. I waited till everyone left and asked her “Guruji, I noticed pain in your voice but didn’t understand as to its cause. If you think me fit to know, can you please tell me the reason?”

I was surprised at the words that found their way through my mouth today. Usually, I would ask her directly. But today, I said “...if you think me fit to know...” which was surprising. All these years I felt it my right to know but today my words told ‘me’ that I can’t demand any explanation from her. Yes, this change was welcome in me and long overdue. I felt glad that I had crossed this milestone of being sensitive and humble and threw over the nature of being arrogant, full of pride, insensitive and demanding.

“Yes, it hurt that people were teaching wrong healing procedures and bent ‘rules and ethics’ to misguide students. What pained and hurt more was that they used my name to do so. They got away with ‘wrong practices’ saying ‘but we were taught so by our Master’”.

Looking at my expression she laughed and said ‘don’t worry; I am not worried that my name is tarnished and pulled into all this dirt. That is and never will be my concern. ‘My good name’ is just a ‘image which I am not much bothered about.

Because, those who know me who is lying and those who don’t – well it doesn’t matter what they think of me! So relax, that is not my concern!

My concern and anguish is the fact that these people are not even ‘strong enough to stand up to their false notions and lies’. How hallow was my training that I couldn’t put even that bit of courage in these people to stand up to their words! Their

actions and behaviour reflects how ‘spineless characters’ they are! I couldn’t even give or teach them ‘strength’ to own up their acts. That is my only pain”.

Now I was confused more than before. When I feel, I know her, which is the time she confuses me more. She proves she is beyond my understanding. I mean, who in the world worries on these grounds? She still was worrying for those students! She saw flaw in her ‘teaching’!

...contd....