Me, My Guru -On quitting!

...contd....

In the course of our discussion, we realized that it was not that we didn’t know what we wanted and why that we couldn’t decide, but because we weren’t sure of the consequences. The fear of unknown kept us from taking ‘that decision’. Now it was clear that no one – absolutely no other person could tell what lay ahead on the path that we choose. We were afraid of failure, disappointments, pain, suffering and rebuke. We didn’t ‘want’ and ‘like’ others telling us ‘told you so’. We were letting others’ opinion and taunt make decision for us. That realization made our fear look ridiculous.

When she said no one took decisions knowing where they were going, it was so comforting. Yes. Everyone took decisions only based on current data available, current situations, calculated assumptions and above all hoping and dreaming that ‘this path could take them to the land of their desires and their fulfillment’. It was just an assumption. Always! Never a guaranteed one. When they made decisions that gave them desired results, we declared that decision to be right one and wrong one otherwise. We placed importance on the outcome. But instead if we had stressed on ‘what I want to do right now with myself and my life’ then whatever be the outcome of that decision, we would only be richer – either with experience or with dreams fulfilled. Now we understood what that ‘Master lady’ was trying to tell us. Even our Guruji has explained it in so many words all these years and we thought ‘oh my God! She doesn’t understand. Sitting here it’s easy for her to lecture but she doesn’t understand the office and career ups and downs’ when in actuality she was addressing the issue at the root level. It was just us who couldn’t see it. And should I add “as usual or as it had happened many times”.

Today, my love for her increased suddenly, with this understanding. I realized and saw all her hard work on us and her desperation to make us see ‘our actual problems’ and her pain when we didn’t understand her repeated words. Even when she said ‘sit in meditation’ it met with snide remarks like ‘oh! Standard one’ or ‘I knew you would say that’. Today, I saw it clearly. That wasn’t the solution. She was preparing our mind to calm down so that we saw the solution clearly and yet......we were being ourselves and she herself.

I had been angry with my parents and children alike if they didn’t get what I told them. But she had patiently changed stories, examples, healing techniques with the view to help me. A mother tells stories to a toddler so that it eats food engrossed in that story. So was this Guru who told us our solutions wrapped in stories, examples, quotations every time differently assuming we would ‘eat’ the food of ‘reason’ or ‘solution’ but we were spitting it on her face every time. I remembered how many I had commented about her among friends saying ‘she will not give solutions. She’ll say ‘Do hands-on’ etc. I was bit ashamed of myself. But was glad she never took our ‘stupidity’ into account.

“Shall we look into ‘when to quit’ in a relationship”? her voice brought us back to reality and now.

For a change, I’ll tell you what to quit in relationship rather than ‘when to quit’ a relationship.

“What?” almost all of us found it odd to understand. To quit or not to is the question and here she was talking about ‘what to quit in relationship’. That’s odd, we felt! But nevertheless we listened.

...contd....