Me, My Guru - On quitting!

...contd....

Then, I found Viju had closed her eyes for some time and later found her totally relaxed as if a whole lot of stress was removed from her head. I asked her during tea-break as to what happened that seemed to relax her so much. She was smiling and seemed ecstatic. She nodded her head in affirmation and replied “I was not sure where my marriage was going and what I need to do about it. Whether to hold on or give up! I so wanted to ‘quit’ this relationship but couldn’t because of so many socio-personal issues or so I thought! When Guruji said “Look within and see honestly if YOU ARE holding at your end with commitment. Are you giving your 100% to the relationship? Yes, you are ‘giving’ your anger, expectation, hopes, frustration and hatred (not necessarily in that order) but my question is 'are you giving or fulfilling your end of commitment in this relationship wholeheartedly? Did you atleast invest affection 100% from your end? Have you worked at various levels to make it work? Yes, agreed you’ve suffered because of various reasons in your relationship but have atleast done anything to address them instead of ‘just suffering’ with it and spreading its frustration on all around you? How many times you have validated your anger and hatred with the others’ actions and words? Have you tried to understand the other instead of simply complaining that ‘you are not understood?’ Have you healed enough?'

Well, I for sure was shocked. It was as if all her questions were directed at me. Yes, yes, don’t look at me that way! I know she wasn’t directing it on me. But it did fit into my situation perfectly.

Luckily someone suggested a break and she asked all to take a break for 1/2an hour. While others were chit-chatting, instead of using my ‘twisted logic’ to justify my feelings, actions and decisions, I went within and sought answers to these questions. Trust me; I didn’t know I was so stupid all these years for not having seem my negative contribution in my relationship. Yes, he has his faults but I was no better. All these years I was looking only at his flaws and faults but never at myself and my intentions. I was seeking people and their opinion that validated my anger and decisions. But no one asked me to heal our relationship and my shortcomings. I kept saying “whenever I want to do reiki for him, my entire being seems to revolt. Is it not reiki’s way of saying “you don’t need to heal him?”

I remembered her saying ‘send reiki to both saint and the sinner - Saint to be protected from evil forces and negativities and sinner to outgrow his negativities.

So where is the question of not being able to send come in picture? There was nothing as ‘person not eligible to receive’ reiki. It was actually my anger towards him that stopped me from healing – not Reiki. I’ve never worked ‘towards building our relationship so I need to keep going on in this relationship till I heal myself of all the negativities towards this relationship. I can’t quit. Rats leave the ship first when it’s about to sink. Our ship of relationship is sinking but I am not ‘a rat’ and a human I need to give my 100% to it and only then if it still does not work out say “it’s time to quit”.

With this understanding and answer, I felt totally relaxed. Now, I know where I am, how I am and what I need to do. So with this clarity came in this happiness.”

She shared with such infectious joy that it spilled on my understanding of my relationships at various areas and levels. I knew the areas and with whom to heal what! I got clarity – a little bit and that was enough for me to start up my work in the direction of healing.

NEVER LEAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT HEALING IT COMPLETELY!!!

Wow! Today’s session was really proving very beneficial to us!

...contd....