…contd…..
Yes,
as I was walking all I did was compare, compare and compare. When I looked at
someone fatter than me, I felt good. Whereas when I looked at youngsters, I
became bitter and out of envy imagined and painted their future bleak with
disease etc. (Please read previous posts again….). not only that I even
attacked their character saying they were irresponsible and what not. True! I didn’t know anything about them and
their lifestyle. Yet, when I played those thoughts again in the mind, I was so
surprised that from jogging I had gone to judge the whole generation as being
irresponsible and what not. God! Just imagine so much of anger that stemmed
from my envy. And I wanted to be happy? What a fool I was to think that coming
to Park was central to my happiness. With this state of mind and thinking
process or perspective, I would create hell wherever I went. And that hell that
I am creating is for myself only. But, in the process all the people in my life
and around me are also suffering that hell along with me. And to think that I
presumed myself to be a ‘good person’! Wow!
Maybe
that’s why my Guru jokingly told me ‘you are a very creative person!’ so many
times. And just see, what I was creating!
Pure,
unadulterated stinking living hell for myself! I was my own enemy. At this
rate, my search for peace and love is never going to end! I never will
experience them for sure! I shuddered at the thought!
I
jumped out of fear as Anwar gave me a cup of tea. She had stopped talking. She
loved her tea and wouldn’t talk till she finished. Today was no exception.
….contd…..
1 comment:
my Guru jokingly told me..
‘you are a very creative person!’ so many times. And just see, what I was creating!
Ha ha ha... This was a very beautiful way of mocking... :P
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