On comparison

…contd…..

Yes, as I was walking all I did was compare, compare and compare. When I looked at someone fatter than me, I felt good. Whereas when I looked at youngsters, I became bitter and out of envy imagined and painted their future bleak with disease etc. (Please read previous posts again….). not only that I even attacked their character saying they were irresponsible and what not.  True! I didn’t know anything about them and their lifestyle. Yet, when I played those thoughts again in the mind, I was so surprised that from jogging I had gone to judge the whole generation as being irresponsible and what not. God! Just imagine so much of anger that stemmed from my envy. And I wanted to be happy? What a fool I was to think that coming to Park was central to my happiness. With this state of mind and thinking process or perspective, I would create hell wherever I went. And that hell that I am creating is for myself only. But, in the process all the people in my life and around me are also suffering that hell along with me. And to think that I presumed myself to be a ‘good person’! Wow!

Maybe that’s why my Guru jokingly told me ‘you are a very creative person!’ so many times. And just see, what I was creating!

Pure, unadulterated stinking living hell for myself! I was my own enemy. At this rate, my search for peace and love is never going to end! I never will experience them for sure! I shuddered at the thought!

I jumped out of fear as Anwar gave me a cup of tea. She had stopped talking. She loved her tea and wouldn’t talk till she finished. Today was no exception.

….contd…..