Fear of society – Me, my Guru

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Fear of society – Me, my Guru

Today I understood my anger stood in the way of my wish. If I wanted peace, relationship, happiness then I needed to heal my anger. She was right all through!

She was giving me way to work towards my desire and yet I kept pushing it away thinking she didn’t understand. I kept pestering her with the same old “…ok, I understand but……” It was always that and nothing more. I had put aside the technique and demanded her to show me results before I healed the way she asked me to. It was my need and I felt and behaved as if I am doing ‘her’ a favour of by healing.

Every time I demanded/questioned her /pushed her to answer my question with “…yes, yes, but, what about my desire?” she kept giving me the same answer. Heal yourself. And yet……..

I would come home and even en route to my place I would be cursing her and be angry with her for not understanding and doing her bit to fulfill my wish. I was like an adamant child rolling on the floor of a Mall whose parents weren’t giving him 4^th ice cream that he demanded of him. I simply wasn’t ready to see reasoning! 


Even when others put forth their experience I would close my ears and understanding to that! I wanted what I wanted – without having to do anything to heal my attitude. I was ready to do pooja (Indian ritualistic prayer). In fact, I even gave a list of pooja that I had performed and the amount spent on it too! As if it was for her!

I felt she was answerable for the results I expected from my prayers which I did on my own! I cornered her with my anger and demanded her to justify her inability!

Today I saw through my actions! Today I knew where I went wrong!

But I wasn’t sure if I would accept it once I am out of this place!

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