Me, my Guru - On choices, fate,
destiny and all...
Contd....
“I carried the guilt of having made
a choice the consequence of which was very painful to me and I had to live with
lots of pain and
sufferings all thanks to that one choice I made. But as I kept
with healing without being bitter about that past and its related persons and
events I realized slowly that if I hadn’t walked that path I wouldn’t have
known that it was not meant for me. I had to know that for certain and for that
knowing to happen, I had to make that choice. Yes, I paid a heavy price for
that simple lesson but maybe I was a bad student who couldn’t or wouldn’t
understand it otherwise. To know what I wanted and how badly I wanted it and
how exactly I wanted it, I had to rule out all that I didn’t want first.
As
long as I had these temptations in my path, I would have never been happy with
what I wanted even if I got it. Why because I would be ‘assuming’ that my other
choice would be a better one. To live happily with what I want, I should be sure
of not being happy with what I didn’t want too! Looks confusing and stupid but
it is true!
It’s like maths theorem. To prove
that A=B, I first have to prove that A is not equal to B, then once it is
proved, A=B become obvious. I don’t even have to prove it. Similarly, soul
doesn’t exactly know what it wants and till the day it knows itself it can’t
decide right. And that leads to ‘wrong decisions’ that give an understanding of
what it doesn’t want. In short that choice teaches it about its self, its
desires, expectations and likes and dislikes. If this learning is important to
know what the soul wants, how can it be a ‘wrong choice’ as that wrong choice
also benefitted it with learning? It’s like getting a bitter pill when you are
sick to get healthy. Similar is the case with our choices. Even
my wrong choice
was necessary and hence was a right choice to let me know that I didn’t want to
walk this path again. And if it is right and a necessary choice, then why would
I’ve to change it in the past. For me to enjoy my future decision I had to make
this decision in the past. I hope it is clear now!”
It is both yes and no. It was not
something that we could understand with one sitting. We had to revisit these
words many more times to understand it as usual! So many times, we had asked
her “Why is that we had to suffer pain and suffering to learn or gain
something? Why can’t we learn it the easy way?” she had answered every time
with some angle of perspective. But today it seemed to make more sense than before.
This was a learning
experience and we had made it a chill-out party. There in
lay our problem. We complained of pain and always were wishing for happiness
and happy people in life. We wanted our life to be one long senseless party. It
was party if we knew what we wanted and who we were. And we found that ‘essay
question’ boring and left it in choice every single time and instead went in
search of ‘happiness’.
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