Me, My Guru – on relationships.....

Me, My Guru – on relationships.....

“Guruji, I want to be happy and joyous again! There is nothing good in my life! I have lost touch with life after my marriage...this marriage has completely ruined me...if only I didn’t have these in-laws and my spouse! Oh! Why did you not stop me from marrying?” cried chakori...

“It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions.  After a while, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.  Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They

learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive. The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people,

which by the way is just an utopian possibility for there being no perfect person, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.  

As long as we look at others’ imperfections, we can’t see their good qualities. As long as we look at others’ imperfections, we don’t realize we too are not perfect ourselves. We always have reason for being ‘less than perfect’ but they are ‘bad’ for being imperfect. Just think about this rule of ours...maybe we would look at the whole scenario differently. How many people do you have in your life with whom you have been happy always? You

have your problems with all the people in your life and yet think you would be happy with someone always? Just meditate on the question “why am I suffering in all of these relationships?” and if you are brave enough to listen to your heart, you’ll get to know where the problem is and then as a healer it is very easy job to sit and heal that. And if you don’t want to ask this question, then simply sit and heal regularly till you get the desired effects – be it weeks, months or years...yes even if it be years before you see results. Do you have that commitment towards your desire to be happy? Or do you wish to put the blame on others and run away from this situation only to land in next where only the name would change but the pain in life would still be same?” saying this our Guru left.

I don’t know if chakori got her answer or not. I don’t know if she would work on it or not. I didn’t even bother to check if she understood that there is a way to deal with her situation and bring it around if she so wanted it...but I knew I got my answer for my long awaited question. I knew where things were going wrong and why. I knew that part of me which needed healing ASAP. And without finding excuses to justify my ‘goodness’ and the other person’s ‘bad nature and qualities’ I set out on healing self and our relationship.........

related posts : https://kantipadam.blogspot.in/search?q=relationships

https://kantipadam.blogspot.in/search?q=happy+marriage

Me, my Guru – on ego!

 

Contd..

Me, my Guru – on ego!

The Guru just kept walking towards the ashram”

I sat with my head hung in shame. I thought I knew about ego! There in lay my ego. I assumed I knew better. I couldn’t be more wrong! And there lay my ego!

We were restless when our Guru was given a break. We weren’t ready to wait. Why should we wait? We felt our need to be addressed fully then and there. We were adamant for our desire and in there lay our ego. We were angry at her break. We didn’t see her tiredness. We never bothered about her needs. For us, she was there to cater to our needs and wants. In that selfishness laid our ego.

Our anger we dumped on her. We never sought her forgiveness. And even if we did it was without any regret or remorse. It was not because we realized our wrong. It was not because we were ashamed of our behaviour towards her. It was just an act of formality to please her ego (as per our assumption!?). It was done so that we didn’t incur any ‘karma’ because of our act. We didn’t want to accrue any karma because of our act and behaviour but at the same time we were not even repenting for our behaviour. We still didn’t realize that we had hurt her. In all this lay our ego!

Contd....

# on ego, Me, My Guru, king and the guru - story, 

also read : https://kantipadam.blogspot.com/search?q=elephants+represent+ego

Pointers in this post : 

"The  Guru kept walking....ashram" - Read the previous post once again to understand this statement. See how the person who is doing 'nishkama karma' or working through his egolessness/spirit does the 'right karma' and yet moves on after completing the job. The person who walks the path of Dharma doesn't keep promoting himself. He doesn't market himself and his 'goodness'. He doesn't demand returns for his 'good deeds' or right sense of judgement and actions. He does it and moves on. It just becomes his nature. That is walking on Dharma.

"I sat with my head hung in shame. I thought I knew about ego! There in lay my ego. I assumed I knew better. I couldn’t be more wrong! And there lay my ego!" - Whenever we 'assume' we know, know that ego is at play there. We sin in the name of 'knowing'. 

"We were restless.....in that selfishness lay our ego" - We are ever demanding in our relationships - be it with children, spouse, parents, relatives, country, Guru or even God. We look at what we WANT AND SHOULD GET in every relationship. Know that to be play of ego. When we look at every mistake the other commits know it to be ego. When we keep count of what the other is supposed to do for us and presume we have done enough for them, know it is ego. Ego kills everything in a relationship. Love never hurts. It is the ego that is in relationship that becomes the seed of hurt.

"Our anger we dumped on her......hurt her. ....ego" - We project our anger, frustrations, irritation and everything in that line on every relationship. We justify our emotions saying '..but they didn't do this or they did this maam...' Have you ever stood in other's shoes and felt how they felt while you were shouting so? Think about it! And yet, we complain, we are 'the sufferers' in the relationship?

Me, my guru – on choosing love over hate!

 

Contd....

Me, my guru – on choosing love over hate!

It is a possibility that our relatives have cheated us – financially or emotionally. Instead of harbouring anger on them, develop a love for people who matter to you. Develop a passion for your job. Concentrate on things and people that bring smiles to your lips. If you don’t want to forgive the wrong-doers no problem! You can’t that’s ok. Just don’t entertain thoughts of anger etc for them. Whenever you get to remember what they did or said, simply divert your thoughts to something good and constructive in your life. You don’t want to bless them – fair enough. Just don’t think about them. The moment you realize their thoughts are disturbing you, simply send reiki to your dreams, wishes etc.

Do some Reiki that’ll bring some sort of abundance into your life! These were my Guru’s words. Simple yet effective!

This looks doable and we decided to act on it – for once.

We are going to use and live our life for our well-being and for our growth. We’ll send thoughts and energies toward goals – anything beautiful, and that is beneficial to our life. We didn’t have to wait to know its effect. For once we knew this surely would work.

Concluded......

***   

# on living relationships, on love, on giving and receiving, you are where you are because of how you choose, on choosing right everytime, making choices, forgiveness, moving on, building over destruction,

previous post suggested reading to further understanding on this topic : https://kantipadam.blogspot.com/2018/03/me-my-guru-on-guru_3.html 

also read

"Story of empty boat"

Question time :

I may not repeat every time , but read the complete post at the end once again to understand it right....

What did you understand from this post?

Where do you think you can apply it?

What is the missing link of your healing?

Me, my Guru – on choosing love

 

Me, my Guru – on choosing love

“Guruji, it is impossible to love my spouse. He has so many flaws” blurted out Swathi. She came up with many instances which supported her statement. And our Guru listened. When she was done, our Guru asked her “Most peoples’ favourite flower is the rose. Is it yours too?”

“Yes, Guruji” replied Swathi confused.

“A rose is a single flower and it is full of thorns and many ones too! It hurts you every time you pick it, yet you love it and admire it.  Similarly, a person may have many flaws. You can still choose to love him if you look only at the ‘flower aspect’ of his personality – meaning his good traits. Instead of finding, remembering, and recollecting his negative traits, look, appreciate and validate his positive points/traits. Then decide what to do” replied our Guru.

Our Guru continued “In every person and situation there are good and bad traits. Where and what you look at becomes the deciding factor of your emotion and feeling. Choose wisely and you are happy in any relationship. Otherwise, people find fault with Rama, Krishna and Buddha. Do you think they would leave ordinary mortals like you and me? Any fool can find fault. Only fools find fault! It is the sensible who find a reason to love or some good in every person. “Buddha will see Buddha even in a thief” remember that”. 

Contd....

# on love, imperfections, on relationships, perception, 

also read on similar topic : https://kantipadam.blogspot.com/search?q=Me%2C+My+Guru+%E2%80%93+on+keeping+count+in+love 

The above link must have been read by you a few times before and yet I implore you to do it again - once more! Please see the date and read in sequence....I am sure all those who have been healing themselves regularly with various techniques would find this post more beneficial than the previous time. Your so many questions would be answered and do share your understanding with others. When you write your understanding it is possible someone may end up having or getting a different perspective from theirs and that may open up a totally different way of thinking for them....

Questions answered and points addressed :

• Why we are not able to love the people in our lives?
• What to do to live relationships happily?
• How to be happy in any relationship?
• What do people happy in their relationship do that makes them happy in their relationships?
• If only "people who are 100% good are to be loved or can be loved" then does it not apply to us too?
• A little shift in perception can make a huge shift in our emotions.
• The question is not whether the other is eligible to be loved or not. It is whether you chose to love or not!

on absence, love and relationships - Me, My Guru

Me, My Guru

Contd....

I turned the page. “sometimes you need to walk away......”

I smiled. I knew what it meant now. I had to collect myself and my thoughts to know where and why I was walking this path since long. And this trip just did that to me. Being with myself gave me that much needed ‘me time’. I befriended myself in this trip. This was not the trip planned by me. It was forced on me. When I had told her about this trip she had just smiled and said “Enjoy!”. Yes, just ‘enjoy’ nothing else. I thought it funny then – even a bit odd. But today I can say ‘I did Enjoy this trip!’. And this time, I knew what she meant and I thanked her for being herself. So as they say “jo hotha hai achche ke liye hotah hai” worked very well for me – this time atleast.

I went through the entire stay mentally once again. I relived each and every moment. I savored my stay here. It may not have lived my expectations of being “as beautiful as heaven” but this Kashmir did present ‘a beautiful me’ as a gift to me. Time to go! I packed my bags and my emotions too! I sorted my things and along with them my thoughts. I thanked the staff of the Guest house where I stayed and who made my stay comfortable. I sat in the lawn of the Guest House one last time to have one hot cup of tea. I looked at the snow covered peaks at the distance. I heard the songs of birds. I saw couple of pigeons fight on the roof top. This place had so much to offer and I had actually missed noticing all this during my stay. Did I live my life too this way? Was I too lost in gauging others and carrying the baggage of hurts, pain and expectations to not notice the beauty that life was offering me? I got my tea. I sipped it. I relished it. It never tasted so good. I complimented him for the same. He left with a smile.

I heard the honk of my car. I left for the Airport.

There after getting checked-in, I was waiting. I took the last couple of sheets left. They read “The song is ended, but the melody lingers on”. I smiled. This trip was over but its scent would linger with me till my last breath. Kabhi koi cheez poori tharah khatam nahi hoti....khatam hone ke bawajood bhi uska khushboo rah  jatha hai.....i felt something cold on my cheek and I realized it was my tear. I smiled. Yes, song is over, but melody lingers on. She is not there but her presence lingers on. People no longer with us also stay with us. Would I remain as a sweet melody in someones memory or as a pain in their neck?

I shuddered to think of the answer. I preferred to linger on as a sweet scent of remembrance.....

Announcement was being made for my flight. I took out the last sheet. “Only God and I knew what I meant when I wrote it, now only God knows!”.

I pushed the paper into the bag. I looked up. The roof stared at me. I wished to see the sky. I wished to imagine seeing God looking at me! I experienced and lot here. I wanted to thank Him. But why it happened, Only He Knows! I let him have his secret! I took my luggage and walked towards my gate. The visit to this ‘Heaven’ did change me for sure! Travel is good for soul they say! I see it now!

Au revoir Kashmir!

And God Bless this wonderful land of beauty!

Concluded...........

Me, my guru – on choosing love over hate!

 

Me, my guru – on choosing love over hate!

Today our Guru didn’t tell a story from any Epic. She didn’t tell the story from any other source. The story that she chose to share with us was from the book of life. Yes, she shared a real-life story with us. Maybe, that’s why it resonated with us today. Maybe, most of us couldn’t or won’t apply it right away. And yet, we would carry this tale for quite some time to come.

It was a very simple story of a simple sadhak. Because it was lived by someone just like us we could relate to it. As his strategy worked for him, we had the motivation enough to follow in his footsteps. In some city in India lived two brothers who were doing business together. Time flew and in just 20-25years they had a huge business. Their children also became involved in the business. At that time, the elder brother and children robbed the younger brother and his children of their share.

The younger brother (the hero of our story) was left penniless and on the roads. Now, this hero of ours had a Guru whom he respected a lot. He went to her and vented out his anger, and disappointments. He and his children wanted his Guru to give permission to file a case against his older brother. This though was purely his children’s wish. But our hero never did anything without seeking his Guru’s permission.

Contd....

# on living relationships, on love, on giving and receiving, you are where you are because of how you choose, on choosing right everytime, making choices, forgiveness, moving on, building over destruction,

previous post suggested reading to further understanding on this topic : https://kantipadam.blogspot.com/search?q=Me%2C+My+Guru+%E2%80%93+On+disagreement 

Post pointers:

"But our hero never did anything without seeking his Guru’s permission." - Read these lines at the end of the topic again!!!

The hero's fate to a large extent depends on this sentence. When we are disturbed, heart broken, agitated or angry whatever be our decision, it is wrong. Blessed are the few who have worked on themselves enough to be calm and composed enough to take the right step even in such dire circumstances. Others are not!

We are ruled by our emotions and feelings. And that is the reason we end up taking all the wrong decisions and choices. Here, our hero simply followed a golden rule "Never to do anything that his Guru doesn't permit" Simple! This would be a ramaraksha to every one and any one who follows it.

Now, does this sentence mean 'literally'??? NO! It just means, you accept someone as your guide, mentor, teacher and seek their counsel before taking any major decisions in life. It can be your parent, spouse, friend or scriptures like Ramayana, Geetha and so on....

Then you can never go wrong...

Me, my guru – on choosing love over hate!

 

Contd....

Me, my guru – on choosing love over hate!

After listening to his woes and story, his Guru told him “His karma will catch with him sooner or later. Why do you want to waste your life fighting for justice? Let it go. You start your business again and put all your energy into that. My blessings are there with you for your prosperity”.

Our hero was sad but accepted his Guru’s words and decided against filing any case. His children shouted and were angry. Their one good quality in them was they respected their father a lot and never did anything against him or his wish. They did not accept his decision, yet, they kept silent and started their business.

Slowly and steadily their business expanded. So did their confidence, self-esteem, and enthusiasm. They increased their hard work and found results dear to them. They grew from strength to strength.

In the meantime, their elder brother started losing quite a few of his clients. In just 5 years our hero’s business was double the size he had left behind to his elder brother.

His sons and their families too were happy seeing this prosperity. They all went to his Guru’s place to show gratitude and showered her with lots of gifts. Our hero considered his growth to be the work of his Guru’s blessing. But his Guru smiled to denied to accept the responsibility for his growth. She simply said “If you had walked the path of anger, justice, vengeance and destruction no amount of my blessings would have worked out to your benefit. Because you chose the path of love over hatred, creation over destruction, forgiveness over revenge and dharm over adharm, you prospered! Always invest your valuable time and hard work in creating and blessing – not on destruction and curses”.

This was a simple real-life story. Yet, it was powerful. Now, the question was – where are we to put it to good use?

Contd....

# on living relationships, on love, on giving and receiving, you are where you are because of how you choose, on choosing right everytime, making choices, forgiveness, moving on, building over destruction,

previous post suggested reading to further understanding on this topic : https://kantipadam.blogspot.com/search?q=On+choosing+death%21 

Post pointers:

"In the meantime, their elder brother started losing quite a few of his clients. In just 5 years our hero’s business was double the size he had left behind to his elder brother.- This happened in this person's life. But don't come saying "but maam, how come my mil/sil/enemy are happy and prosperous though they are bad?" Don't expect others to suffer though they have hurt you....then you are generating negative energy and that is what will flow in your life.

Isn't it odd that we want justice and people who hurt us to suffer but when we face our karma, we seek forgiveness? 

We are angry that our Guru/God hasn't forgiven us inspite asking(or demanding) it and then go around waiting for people to suffer because we were hurt by them?

Let go of them and instead concentrate on building your life. That's what this means. Put your energy there and then your life will turn out right...

"She simply said “If you had walked the path of anger, justice, vengeance and destruction no amount of my blessings would have worked out to your benefit." - Always know this...even blessing from a Saint or God will work only when you are putting it for good use. Remember Ravana got blessings and sanidhya (closeness) to the Ultimate in the Universe - Lord Shiva and yet, he lost to a mortal and monkeys. That doesn't mean Shiva and his blessings are waste. No, it means God also helps only those who are on the side of Dharma.

Me, My Guru – on asking the right question

 

Contd.....

Me, My Guru – on asking the right question

How many times must we have asked a wrong question and got wrong answer? And how many times we would have lived with that wrong answer?

Yes, we did get no for an answer, but we would have not only gotten yes for an answer but also gotten over our problem in the first place if, if only we knew how to ask?

This set me thinking on so many levels.

I applied it at the physical level and so many of my problems were addressed right away.

I applied it in my relationships and I found cause of my bitterness and lack of happiness and contentment in my relationships.

I applied it in me asking Universe/Reiki/guru questions and knew why I got the answer that I got now….

Now I knew why I lacked abundance in so many fields of my life and the reason and way to address that too……

I need to work on this area – I need to work way too much in this area….

Concluded......

******

# on seeking answers, asking questions, seeking, praying, you receive as you seek, ask and it shall be given,

also read :    https://kantipadam.blogspot.com/search?q=Me%2C+My+Guru-+On+a+Road+trip