few questions asked.........

….contd….

I just picked incidents of NOW and THEN and feelings and thoughts of HIM and HER and placed it before you. It was nothing about me. and yet you drew a caricature of me with these baseless inputs and have an ‘image rather an odd caricature of myself and think you KNOW me and have labeled me and sketched my character.’ And now I also need to justify my actions to you!!! Good joke….

How childish can this be?

Do you really think I’ll waste my energy and time and thought in such baseless, senseless and non-sensical batter? I’ll just let you be!

Tum samjho na samjho meri bala se…..

तुम समझो ना समझो मेरी बला से

(I don’t give a ------ if you understand or not…)

I don’t want anyone to understand me, infact I would think less of myself if you did!

So I think I am very great and all that?

What I think of myself is my business and I don’t consider it as yours?

So how can you understand me?

That’s not in my agenda so I give a damn about it!

Just think about it!

Hope you atleast understood a little of what I am trying to explain here! F a simple human like yourself can’t be understood by you then what about God? If it doesn’t bother a nobody like me if no one understands or does if God exists do you think it matters to God?

Every thought and feeling – good and bad that you had for me ONLY reflects Your IDEA or EXPECTATIONS met/unmet by you. It no where defines me. if they were your thoughts, feelings, ideas and emotions why and how can someone else answer for them? You should know why you feel that way. And that can be correctly known only when you know yourself. As long as you flow with your emotions, thoughts it’ll reflect your state of mind, intent, expectations and character. You can never know others. Only when you go beyond these identifications can you see things for what they are.

...contd....

few questions asked......

…contd….

People just call or mail me saying “do reiki for me for XYZ intention” and if I say “do reiki or give any such explanation” they shout back saying “why you can do know?” or some stupid statement like “but your reiki is more powerful than mine…”. They think it is my DUTY  to do reiki for their intentions and problems day in and out. Then they call and say “why even after a month my wish is not fulfilled?” And No thank you for doing reiki too. Simply a blame and demand an explanation from me for that too! And I am NOT POWERFUL (otherwise wish would’ve been fulfilled – right?).  (If I was to sit and do reiki for all why at all did I teach reiki to all these people?) and when the wish is fulfilled, no call to intimate about the same and if I ever remind them of the same, then I am egoist, wanting gratitude from others! This doesn’t mean that they are greedy or selfish. No! it talks about me ONLY. I don’t remember saying “what can I do to get anything that you desire/ want madam?”. It’s taken for granted that I don’t need anything and whenever I remind others to do sadhan, “maam that’s why I don’t call you etc…”. as if your sadhan betters my life! To make you chant mantras, do sadhan, I become a task-master and a boring person and you are avoiding me or angry at me. yet, I am bad and selfish to wish for your better life……

What did you understand till now?

That I am hurt by someone and that I am angry and vomiting all my frustrations.

Today, you understood my needs and myself in toto?

That would be a huge joke!!!!!

 

....contd.....

few questions...

….contd….

All this clearly states and proves that I am sadist, cruel and have become manipulative, calculative and greedy. I am no longer the person who loved unconditionally. All that was a farce. This is my reality and the Truth. Correct?

But then did I declare that my love is unconditional? Yes, I am egoist, sadist, cruel, selfish and want people to praise me always. I want people to be grateful to me and be thankful to me – always!

This crown of thorns I won’t deny, just as I didn’t stop flowers of praise when you fell that on me. I accepted that and accept this now. I tried to explain many times and have failed equal no. of times. Now I accept all that comes my way.

Am I angry that you don’t understand me?

People who proclaim that they are close to me, staying with me since 20,30,40 years didn’t get, understand me, so how can I find fault with any of you?

Am I depressed or disappointed because of that?

I don’t know what it is to be understood since the time I became conscious. So what I never had how can I ever miss?

Is it odd to be so? Do I feel lonely?

I don’t know any other way of experiencing this fact. And guess I am not unhappy about it too. I never in fact gave it a thought. Never imagined anyone to know me, so I guess that desire not being there, did not give any pain too to me.

When did and to who did I say that I am a good person?

Never and to NO ONE.

Then who said I am a Guru and that I love unconditionally?

SOMEONE

And who thinks I am egotist, sadist, cruel, arrogant and self-centerd?

SOMEONE.

So, to what someone says and someone else (it can be you!) disagrees, I am responsible to answer! I am so fine with it……

NO ONE knows me and to no one I’ve explained myself or my actions and yet EVERYONE has an opinion about me!

And yet I am the one who brings all discussions towards myself. Yeah right….

....contd....

few questions asked...........

On God

…contd…..

In a certain case, I questioned someone who attended ‘repeat class’ unasked ‘did I give you permission to attend this class?’ the answer or should I say retort I got was ‘I never thought it was necessary to seek permission to repeat a class’. Please read the reply again. Correct me if I am wrong. Am I not right in holding the right to give permission in attending my class? Did anyone every pay extra to attend repeat class? Do you have that as a right? It is a gesture of generosity from my end to let you. It’s not your right. To seek healings from me – well that is no right of yours. To ask me questions and demanding an answer, that is also not your right. They are acts of generosity from my end. I don’t receive any benefit for these services and hence am not bound to you to do these acts to you. And yet I do. You pay fees – agreed for classes taken – some-times afters months or years. You started seeing benefits immediately and yet when you pay deferred you pay as if you are donating to me. if you took class in 2000 and pay in 2005, the same fee amount (again in installment) can I buy any article for that amount as I could in 2000. For example if you owe Rs. 500/-, the petrol I could purchase in 2000 can I purchase the same quantity of petrol in 2005. No! Yet, you feel you have benefited me by giving the fees. What an attitude!

      And yet the same you is angry that

·         Your salaried is delayed by a month

·         The sale of your land/house took more than 3 months even after you doing reiki regularly.

You want everything the moment you desire and yet give others their due at your leisure and yet the person who asks for his due is greedy for stating these facts?????

·         You can get angry when people want to come to your place when you don’t like them and yet others can’t say ‘NO’ to your ‘gate-crashing’ when others don’t listen to your demands, then you are in pain.

But when I behave exactly as you did with others, then also you feel you are right and suffer the pain?

How come you are ‘angry” at people who don’t respect your rights, likes/dislikes and then angry at me too for not allowing you from attending the class? But I am sure it doesn’t mean that you want it your way or highway – always! You suffer pain when others don’t act as per your desire. Others' desire and reasons don’t matter to you at all! And yet you are not selfish….it’s I who am arrogant and hurt you????

 ...contd.....

 

Few questions asked and addressed......

On God

Few questions raised and addressed….

It’s just over a month that I haven’t posted on blog and yet it looks like a looong time. Literally! Never knew one month had such long 30 days! Knew it so because of enqueries that I got – so many of them! Then I knew that I was writing all these 7-8 years!(Pun intended....)

Yes, truly so! All these years that I was writing regularly no one bothered to tell/write thank you, mention how it helped them or was useful – sometimes may be a one-time comment in a year or so! All others were just questions but thank-you – well hardly!

When work is done, no one notices or acknowledges or thinks it necessary to acknowledge thinking it is after all the other’s duty! But when the same work is not done, then so many questions raised! But I guess if I mention this fact I become a normal person “expecting praise” and am working for returns and am a “egoist”. How odd!

Next coming to reasons that people cooked up for my non-writing were –

·         I am angry with few comments

·         I am searching for answers for the questions posed

·         I have ran out of subjects / topics.

·         I am sulking at some one

·         I am sick / not in town and what not!

A million of such stupid reasons found their way to me and the place of their origin – well it’s absolutely the ‘creative power’ of all who generated those reasons!

All these reasons and the ones that weren’t sent to me – well, I can tell one think for sure! None of them is even nearest to the truth! And all these by people who claim and believe to “understand me” and “know me”! How funny is that! Guess work is no knowing......know that.....

Then the actual reason, well like many facts that I don’t share with any one, this too falls under that category NOT because “I don’t want to share with anyone”. It is not a secret to be protected or should be ashamed of! But unfortunately, I don’t know anyone who would understand it even if I explain it! How can you explain the beauty of colours to a born-blind person? Like-wise………..

I am not saying all out there are stupid or not intelligent. No. I know you are very smart and very intelligent. Yet …

कोपल की  फूटने  की खनक क्या सुनाऊँ साज़ 

सुना  है  तेरे  शहेर में तो लू को  सबा मानते है लोग। 

How can I make you listen to opening of bud to you?

I’ve heard that people in your city consider heat wave as breeze….

Hence reasons for my acts remain ever so unexplained but misconstrued and mis-interpreted by one and all who have head over their shoulders. Me misunderstood – is that my mistake? And when I explain thus, I am called Arrogant, head-strong and thinks over-smart! Now, I have come in terms with these adjectives too…..

 ....contd.......