Me, My Guru - On perception!

Me, My Guru

On perception!

It was well past three months since the day I left her place with broken heart. (To understand this statement and to go back to prelude of this story read the link given under)
http://kantipadam.blogspot.in/search?q=work+on+essence&max-results=20&by-date=true 

Even today, it wasn’t my idea to come. Rahul had come over to my place and dragged me here. He was his usual self. From his talk and manner, it was obvious that he didn’t realize the ‘real reason’ of my absence at ‘her’ place. In fact I found out that no one had realized the reason when I went over to her place. Everyone was their usual self. Only I had changed and so did my ‘feelings’ for ‘her’.

Ofcourse, it was even ‘odd’ of me to think that someone would assume that I had felt ‘cheated’. I didn’t have the heart to say ‘no’ to Rahul so came along with him.

Previously, I would’ve wondered “did ‘she’ send him? Or did he come on his own?”

“Is ‘she’ ignoring me on purpose?”

“She ‘knows’ these things, then why didn’t she call me or try to contact me?”

Such of questions would’ve eaten up major part of my brain (I mean, what little was left of it). But not this time! No, it was not a conscious effort. But I myself was surprised that this change has come over me. I was observing myself. I was trying to analyse and understand my emotions and feelings for her. Nothing remotely that of anger or pain! I was surprised. I didn’t do any healing for the same but still for the volume of ‘heart break’ I had, I surely should be having a ‘bleeding heart’ (pain) and a ‘burning stomach’ (angry). But I didn’t experience either of such feelings. It was odd. 

Bad that I couldn’t discuss or share it with anyone! Being in a ‘cornered situation’, where i could do nothing much about it, I just let it be!

I heard from Rahul that she was giving lectures on “Bhagavatam” since 3 months and there were quite a crowd who attended these classes. When we reached her place, we found ourselves in the last row. Her oratory skills were surely ‘par excellence’ and so no doubt so many wanted to attend these classes.

Many of us had pleaded her to take courses on these ‘scriptures’ since long. She had atlast come around to doing it.

“Yashoda, look your ‘Kanha’ has eaten mud again” someone shouted from behind. Yashoda didn’t wait to check to see who it was. She knew her ‘kanha’ very well to believe it to be true. He has of late become more mischievous than before. She needed to be more alert and also sterner with him. He wasn’t even least bit afraid of her. Today he had crossed all boundaries.

“Mud! Oh my God!” What would become of him? She wasn’t aware of her pallu (upper part of her garment) flying high or stones pricking her feet. She ran faster than she could to catch him playing in the mud in the courtyard. Knowing very well his answer which would as ever be a lie, she asked nevertheless “Kanha, did you eat mud?”

With those beautiful large eyes rolled up he replied “Of course not mother”.

...contd....