....contd.....
Having replied
she left us. We realized it was lunch-time then. We served our lunch and sat
down to eat.
“No doubt,
just being in her company gives me peace of mind”, who else but Rahul would say
that. Usually I used to find that amusing. Always he would find a way to lead
all examples and explanations to her. He would understand everything with
her-centric. Did she encourage this or not, we never found out. But I couldn’t
approve of it everytime. Many times, I was being blinded by his faith or her or
his Guru-bhakthi. Then, I would’ve said so to him or would think it was silly
of him. But this time I found myself totally non-reacting to all this. Yes,
this thought did occur to me, but it didn’t touch me.
“Why don’t
we all go on pilgrimage? That way, we can benefit with satsang of people and
place at the same time. What say”? such suggestions always found lots of
takers. Today, I saw that by this act, they were proving that they didn’t get
the import of the lecture correctly. She taught, explained and told what needs to
be told and ‘yet they listened to what they wanted to’ ONLY. I pitied them.
Today, I understood why we underwent what we underwent in our lives. We choose to undergo this
with each of our choice that we made. Yes, non-understanding was also a choice
that we had made and we paid the price for it and we thought ‘others’ and
situations were responsible for our pains and sufferings! Today,
I pitied us! Today I felt sorry for her hard and sincere efforts too which
seemed to go down the drain. Yes, what was the purpose of all this work if no
one followed what was to be understood? Even after listening to everything she
said, we choose wrong!
I paused
to relook at the train of my thoughts. This really amused me. Just couple of
months ago, I was on that side thinking, feeling and understanding like them.
But today,
I was thinking differently. I was reacting differently. I was ‘a new one’ that
I didn’t know I had become. I noticed just here in and during the class.
I hadn’t
done any sadhan in this field nor had any idea of this possibility. Where did
all this come from? I was among all these people, my so-called co-travellers
and yet was all alone. Not the sad, lonely ‘alone types’. On the contrary, I
was enjoying being ‘this different and standing away from the crowd types’.
She used
to say often
“mein
bheed mein bhi akeli hoon”
“I am all
alone even in the crowd!”
Was this
what she was talking about?
Whatever
it was, I was enjoying it. I like being in this space. For once, I seemed okay
to be with myself.
...contd....
No comments:
Post a Comment