Me, My Guru
Others turned up much earlier and I as
Peepul Tree
Il Dolce far niente!
It was well past 8am and yet the mist hadn’t cleared
completely. I loved these chilly early mornings. No, we didn’t have an early
class today but yet I was going to ‘my guru’s’ place today. We would be just 15
of us at ‘her place today’. This was one of those informal get=together that
the selected few experienced from time to time. We all would reach her place
early in the morning and stayed till late evening most of the time.
I was glad I was in that ‘selected few’. It really made me
feel special though there was hardly any difference in her behaviour towards us
or those of others. And yet……..
Others turned up much earlier and I as
ever was the last one
to arrive. Each of them had brought some food, fruits, flowers, incense sticks
and the whole lot of things. I didn’t get any. I didn’t feel like. And when I did,
it was a torture to bring myself to do that. So many of us brought ‘her things’
and honestly speaking I envied her for that. And that was one reason why my
contribution was always nil. Though she distributed all that was brought by us among us was a different story. Many times, I didn’t see her eat sweets,
fruits and like items. Yet I feel bad that she received so much.
This was very odd feeling that I exhibited for her. My feelings
were most of the time – mixed for her. Like now, I was jealous of her, angry
that I didn’t receive like-wise from others and yet had immense affection for
her. I loved every minute that I spent with her. Though of course, I also was
confused, irritated and felt let down at times. These mixed emotions confused
me a lot. Was the problem in me or her? Well,
I’ll seek answers an another day. But today, I just wanted to relax here.
She was sitting under a tree with a tea cup in her hand. Others
were sitting casually around her. I joined others silently.
...contd.....
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