Gratitude - a perception or a choice?

...contd....

 

Each had his opinion and each put forth problems or difficulties to applying these ‘perceptions and possibilities’. When someone explained at times we were in awe of such a mind-set and the way that person conducted himself. At other times, we felt it was good in theory and next to impossible in practical world. In some cases we felt it was beyond even discussion. And yet here found our own friends talking from their own experiences and saying all this was a possibility. They were no ‘Rama’ or ‘Krishna’ (meaning Avatars or incarnations). They were no saints either. They were just simple human-beings like any of us leading a life full of issues that each of us was facing. What set them apart was only the way they conducted themselves. And yet instead of using their ‘conduct’ as an example to conduct ourselves, we were doing post-mortem of their acts, incidents and all just so we could find an excuse as to why we couldn’t ‘live that possibility’ in our lives.

One more chance lost by logic and justification of our acts! Once more we advanced our ability to rise its’ bar to live the possibility of being balanced, sensible and detached. And yet we were the people finding fault with people and situations in our lives. We felt like victims of situations. Maybe, we never want ourselves to come out of this. Maybe we never want to free ourselves of this pain, anger and frustrations. There possibly couldn’t be another explanation for our stupidity.

We all talked, argued, discussed and justified long enough to arrive at our conclusions. It was not humanly possible to apply all ‘great qualities’ to all situations. We also agreed that what applied in one’s life couldn’t possibly be applicable in another’s life. That was so relaxing, we felt as if a huge burden was off our shoulders.

It was funny to see this side of ourselves. I pitied ‘our Guruji’ for making so much of effort to lift us to our possibility. She tried tirelessly to raise our bars and we were so committed to our little nature, our fears, pains and anguish. We didn’t want solutions. We loved to complain. We longed to suffer. We chose to feel victimised and hence argued against any solution given to us.

Her task was no easy one. And yet........

Did this revelation make me re-consider my stand? I doubt if it did. That was so bad. I knew it, felt it and yet didn’t want to live it.

This session was both exhausting and fulfilling and yet I didn’t know if I would apply anything that I learned here in these two days. I caught couple of others holding the same thought. Good for me for I had company!

We left her place late night. I was experiencing a strange mix of emotions – guilt, happiness, envy and even a comfort. I didn’t think I would try to understand them today. That was for another day. As of now, I carried with me picture of her smiling face and reassuring words “you have a choice to choose - always".