On comparison

…contd….

Now, tell me in such environment how can one be happy? And if one is not happy how can that one give happiness to others. See the connection?

 2.The second emotion we generate is that of so called happiness – one that we experience when we compare with someone inferior (supposedly only) to us.

I call that emotion as ‘supposed happiness’ because it is not real happiness. Why? Because it is sadistic pleasure and that emotion can never give you lasting happiness and that which is not lasting can’t be real too!

Difficult to believe? When I compare with someone and feel elated that I am better than that person, it means my definition of happiness itself is wrong.  It states ‘I’ll be happy only when others are bad’ (here it meaning physically – I mean physically not good looking or having some ailment..). Indirectly you state, my happiness rests in others pain, discomfort, incompleteness, ugliness, suffering, loss, ailment…..and the list continues. Oh my God! What are we saying? Just listen to yourself.  This is demonic pleasure. Right? No doubt, it is sadistic pleasure. If so, then can it give real happiness? No. no wonders we are ever so in pain and suffering.  We are ever in search of peace, happiness, satisfaction and Love.  And here, I am not sorry to say – they can never be yours as long as your definition of happiness is dependent on others unhappiness or failure. And that’s exactly the reason why our emotions fluctuate – dangerously, erratically and even without warning – towards the extremes of highs and lows and we are ever so drained all through the day and even night! This is not because of the physical acts that we do through the day as we presume, but because of the fluctuations in emotions that we experience from pain, anger, depression to sadistic pleasure/ satisfaction – and that depends with whom we are comparing ourselves with all through the day.

…contd……..

On comparison

…contd………..

What is the emotion that you generate with such statements? Yes, this understanding is must if you want/have to understand the evil called comparison!

 

      1.  You feel sad, when you are compared or you compare yourself with someone better than you.  That sadness is based on the inferiority complex that you experienced because of the comparison.  You were put down and no one, I repeat no one is happy when that is done.

    2. This inferiority complex is not just at periphery level. It in fact kills the spirit of the person as the person is feeling useless, incomplete, less privileged and hence unwanted. No doubt these emotions give rise only to anger which would be the basis of hatred that would be directed towards the one who killed the spirit in the first place.

    3. The other emotion that can be generated is that of depression that would make a person totally fearful, defeatist, introvert and even suicidal in some or extreme cases.

By comparison someone regularly, hurting their ego, belittling them how can we expect them to be comfortable, friendly with us and also to respect them? No doubt, relationships turn sour and only pretense reigns good.

When the spirit dies, body starts decaying – not literally but then the person is bound to suffer from diseases of body like anemia, osteoporosis, skin problems – all result of low self-esteem and low self-esteem would lead to lack of enthusiasm which reflects in low productivity and more undisciplined life.

Sounds familiar? Wait and go within. Close your eyes. Check atleast couple of such cases and see the pattern emerge.

…contd….

On comparison

Me, My Guru

…contd….

I went and joined others. She was in meditation and say about an hour later, she opened her eyes.

‘Please tell us how to be?’ requested Rahul ‘what one attitude should we drop or develop to be peaceful and to be satisfied with life?’

‘Stop comparing’ she replied.  The answer was short yet clear. But, how and why comparing is to be avoided was not all clear.  This was not something ‘new’ to us. We have heard her say this umpteen times but why didn’t understand much. When she told us to, I would nod my head religiously and leave her premises. But, back in my world that was the first thing I would do!

“First, let me point out to areas where one compares.

1.      

           The most obvious and apparent to judge is the appearance and we immediately comment on that like –

a.she is more fairer than me

b. thank God! I am not as fat as she

c. Look at him. He is so fit and fine. Why can’t you be like him?

d. Praise the Lord, you are not disabled like him

e. Whenever I see someone with skin disease/baldness et like, I thank God for making me complete

I can give only few eg., please go through such comments that you hear or make….it applies to each one of them.  And from now onwards become aware of such statements and work on it accordingly….

…contd………..

On comparison

Me, My Guru

…contd….

When I saw others not doing this charity, I got angry thinking how selfish they were and how insensitive they were to their fellow human’s suffering.  But, how could they?  They didn’t have ‘My Guru’ to guide them regularly.  I smiled as this thought crossed my mind.

Neelima and Agarwal bid me goodbye and left in their car.  How stupid these people were? Can’t they walk down to their place?  Why use a vehicle? How environmentally unfriendly it was? Didn’t they know this? I don’t know when such people would behave more responsibly?

These thoughts were still going through my mind as I reached my house.  Today was Sunday and it was the day, I preferred to be at ‘My Guru’s’ place.  I got ready and left my place as soon as possible.

As I opened the gate, I noticed just 2-3 bikes and only one car.  That means, there weren’t may who had come to meet her today.  I was happy.  That meant more time with ‘her’ and also I could get many of my doubts cleared today!

It’s long since I had such a time with ‘her’. I never liked it when she was surrounded by lots of people – which was so most of the time.

I entered after washing my feet. I went and sat down in the hall. I saw Rahul there. God! Why does he come so regularly? He almost monopolizes her time. He cleans the Pooja area, prepares tea and even cooks and serves all. He arranges all the material of the class. He even tends the garden. In short, he does all work here and even without ‘her’ telling anything. I never was comfortable doing chores at her place. I felt not so ‘good’. To be honest, it looked demeaning but he – no it never seemed to occur to him.  He was all over the place doing something or the other. But, I should agree he never made a scene of it or even mention it to anyone. That was a bit surprising!

…contd….

On Comparison

Me, My Guru

I go for walk daily in a park which is in the residential area that I reside.  After walking for ½ an hour, I sat down on the bench.  I do that usually for 15-20 mts and then leave.  Today was no exception.  With nothing much to do, I started looking at people doing exercises, walking and sitting and chatting in the park.  As I started observing, my mind started to look at their faces and make comments on their state of mind.  Looking at the way the person was walking, I figured a limp in his walk. I figured they were tensed, worried etc.  Many looked tired and with lots of health issues – what with knee pains, obesity et like.  Looking at them, I told myself, I was far better than them.  Yes, I was fitter when compared to them.  I should be more happier from now onwards, after all I was better than most of them.  I smiled at my blessing. I felt proud of my body and health.  No doubt, I had few issues with my body but looking at these people I felt much healthier! I think that’s why it’s advised that we walk in such public places where we can watch others more worst than us and feel grateful of our blessings.

I was thinking on these lines, when two girls and a boy ran past my bench. Well, actually they were youngsters in their teens. No. I hadn’t missed them  before.  I noticed them as I entered into the park.  That means, they were jogging – yes jogging and not just walking like me – for more than 45 mts now.  They didn’t seem tired too!  In fact, they were even chatting happily.  How come they had so much of stamina?  I felt a pain in my heart.  Smile vanished from my face and frown replaced it now.  I wasn’t happy.

…contd….

Is it Love or Hatred?

The Curse!

An old man of the sea once said to me, “It was thirty years ago that a sailor ran away with my daughter. And I cursed them both in my heart, for daughter was all I had in the entire world.” 

“Not long after that, the sailor youth went down with his ship to the bottom of the sea and with him my lovely daughter was lost unto me.”

And now on my way to the grave, I seek God’s forgiveness.” 

To this day, there is a tone of bragging in his words and it seems that he is still proud of the power of his curse!

When we talk of ill-fate of others, is there a tone of satisfaction that justice is at last met? Are we rejoicing in others suffering in the name of justice? Are we celebrating with the statement “उसके घर में ढेर है अंधेर नहीं”?

Let’s understand this wholly that it is always between Him and them. We are no one to comment or talk of justice. We can only look within and work on to make ourselves a better human being than before. And that goodness of ours is not in relation to others in our lives.

Let’s stop being judgmental! Is not Love about saying 'I'll stand by you come what may". 

For me Love is love only when I help the other to achieve his dream - whatever it be! It is about wanting to see the other happy and smiling - whatever be the cost for me and with whom so ever their happiness may be. I should be happy for them. I should work for their happiness not necessarily that happiness comes from me.

Learning to learn the art of love is a life long process! Let’s get hooked to this learning! 

Isn't it funny that 'Love' is one word everyone knows about, talks about and is ever trying to find and yet we haven't defined it nor do we know what it is to 'LOVE'! Strange! No doubt, we are ever cribbing that we 'lack' love in our Life.....
 
Think about it!