Me, My Guru Bhagavatam – surrender

...contd....

Next the cream from this curd is taken and churned to bring out butter.

Similarly, our mind which is set on divine is churned vigorously by our own ‘samskaras’ to bring out ‘knowledge’ the butter of sadhan and it is melted to make ‘ghee’ i.e., love or bhakthi that is given as oblation ‘ahuti’ in the ‘homam fire’. It means the love or bhakthi which is the crux or any sadhan is the ‘one’ that needs to be offered to the ‘Lord’ or ‘Divine’. He loves that ‘love’ of ours for him – not the butter in physical form. (That doesn’t mean I am asking you not to give ‘butter’ as prasadam (offering) to him).

There were other points written but I didn’t find them engaging then! I was held by this ‘butter theory’. Now this ‘management tip’ seemed complete and made more sense. I could actually put lots of other data also together. Ofcourse, most of the data had been provided by our Guru at various times. Others may get it from other sources but I received most from ‘her’ and in the last 15-20 years that I had been around her. I don’t even remember how many ‘precious pearls of knowledge’ I had let scatter that she had so generously distributed to us.

Krishna’s one more name was ‘Mohan’ which means ‘man ko mohane wala’ or one entices or robs your heart/mind’ that is he is ‘the one who entices our hearts’. He is the ‘chitchor’ – stealer of heart. All this again lead us to the fact that ‘all he wanted, desired or expected from us was love’. He, thus stealing butter was symbolic of saying that all I need is ‘your heart’ or ‘love’.

And what was I doing?

Taking care of the physicality of rituals and just didn’t even bother to understand their meaning, importance and import. I was always saying “...but I go to temple, do regular pooja, chant so many times...”. I was keeping tab of all that was material oriented but my heart was enveloped in antagonising, fault-finding, anger, envy, hatred, complaining, self-pity and everything except ‘love for Krishna’.

How many times I thought about him during the day? Once, twice and I would question her “...but I am good devotee doing pooja regularly and doing charity too....then why am I suffering so much?” I laughed at my own stupidity. God, how she had put up with all this nonsense of mine all this years? I owe her a lot just for putting up with me. No doubt, it is said ‘love of Guru is fathomless – is an ocean’.

...contd....