Applications of Il Dolce far Ninete!

…contd……

Deepa started her explanation “I had my IDFN moment when I was playing with my kid. Being in a demanding and taxing career, I hardly get time to relax. Because, apart from my job  I was also into social activities in my apartment, office and had a huge group of friends to meet. The household chore was ofcourse there too! So imagine time to relax! Never! Or so I though I was always late. My yesterday’s itinerary always spilled over my today’s and inspite of multi-tasking I always fell short of fulfilling my responsibility. I was never satisfied with myself. I was losing to myself regularly and I didn’t take it lightly. I felt sick, tired and on the verge of breakdown. I had started to believe that I was a failure ‘for ever’. Happiness seemed  like an alien word that never would ever happen in my world.

It was then that my 6 year old kid asked me to play with him. I normally brush aside such requests with “please kiddo, go play with your maid or friends. Can’t you see I am so busy?” but that day I just agreed to! Thought would play for 10-15 mts and then get back to my work but didn’t realize it was more than 2 hrs that I spent with him or should I say with happiness? What we played didn’t make any sense but when I lost myself playing I didn’t realize. All I remember now is ‘the happiness’ that we shared and lived. I am not good in explaining all these things but I just wish you understand what I am trying to say.

I had achieved so much in life and had so much to flaunt by way of ‘doing meaningful stuff’. But they didn’t give ‘the happiness’ that ‘this happiness’ gave while playing with the kid. Please don’t brush it aside as a ‘mother thing’ or ‘oh, everyone feels that way with their kids’. Please try to understand what I am trying to tell. What I did and with whom didn’t actually matter. It was ‘how’ I did it that made the difference. Let me explain. When I was behind achieving things or performing various duties or fulfilling various responsibilities I was bound by expectations of ‘self’ more than others. I wanted to give my best. And that added to others expectations increased my anxiety, fear and stress as I went about my work, though most of the time  I was more or less always applauded for ‘good performance’ I was never able to relish that achievement because of ‘next job to be completed’ tag. This was a vicious cycle. Performance, comparisons and dead-lines were synonymous with every task I took up – I mean literally every task. No doubt, I was always edgy and restless. 

But when I was playing with the kid, there was no such thing. In the course of playing, I even lost conscious of time and it was then that I discovered happiness. At that time, I didn’t realize it. late in the evening when I was humming as I was going about the routine that I realized that not only was I humming – which I hadn’t since years but I was also smiling as I was doing my chores. Yes, I was ‘happily doing’ the ‘boring routine’. How impossible was that! Moreover, I was not tired like other days. Then it stuck me that it was a ‘special thing’ that happened. Later, say after 2-3 days I suddenly saw the connection between the events and its’ effects on my psyche and I knew I had my ‘IDFN’ moment.

 

...contd....