A moment of revelation!

...contd......

Birds had this soothing effect because of their freedom. There was an air of purity in it. Whereas, in my case, I found myself in bondage. I was bound by my own image, expectations, hopes, beliefs, fears and what not. Added to this, was others’ expectation too! No doubt I felt bound all through. How can a bound person give out energy of joy and free-spirit? They not only bound me but also were suffocating me with their tightening effect around me.

For a second, I pitied myself. But then I gathered myself. I was bound by none but myself. So what was stopping me from breaking free? Myself. This knowledge seemed so liberating and at the same time so relaxing. I knew my area of pain. I knew that cause of it too!  All I had to do was break free from myself!

"...... freedom is all that i want

but to ask for it I feel ashamed...

I quake in fear when i come to prayer

lest my prayer be granted...."         

                             -Rabindranath Tagore -Geethanjali

 A cynical laugh escaped through my lips. “I am my greatest enemy” my Guru had said these words millions of times and yet it took these many years for me to understand it. How could I have complains in my life when the cause of my suffering was I myself? This was good. Good for a start.

But that wasn’t the thing. I was surprised as to why I didn’t see it before. What in pigeons made me look into myself this way and boy was it fast? Why didn’t I understand it when I did this “looking at nature” thing before? But these questions could wait. Yes, now I had a revelation and I wanted to cherish “realizing the truth” rather than go on “why it happened/ didn’t happen journey”.

Knowing this truth was enough for today. What I wish to do about it, I mean if at all I wanted to do anything at all would be for tomorrow…..

I got up satisfied with myself. Today’s job was done. I looked at all the people in the park. No. they didn’t have any insight. They were lost in the chatter – the usual way. I looked at pigeons thanking them silently. They didn’t care if I existed or not. They didn’t know if I existed or not! And yet…. And yet they helped they helped me peep into myself. It was both surprising and intriguing!

Yes, today I again benefited because ‘I listened’ to her. Why I didn’t do that often was something that I never fathomed….and today was no different. That apart, I thanked her being part of my life. Today I congratulated myself for listening to her and to my instincts to follow her saying. My lips spread in a smile and I knew it would stay there the whole day. I left the park to attend to other mundane routine of my day…..