Me, my Guru – on Sheikh Chilli, the dreamer!

 

Me, my Guru – on Sheikh Chilli, the dreamer!

Today, everyone seemed restless as I entered the class. And I had thought I was the only one irritated today. But, looking at everyone’s face, it was evident we all had brought our baggage of emotions of frustration, anger, and irritation to the class today. I realized we carried lots of resentment within us. And that was expressed as emotions of frustration, anger and irritation outwardly. 

And the person who was our ‘dumping ground’ – our Guru was sitting adjusting her saree (an attire worn by traditional Indian women). She must be humming some sweet melody, I presumed. I mean where was that smile coming from otherwise? She seemed oblivious to our woes. She was in the middle of and centre of our negativity and yet remained calm, poised, smiling and gentle in her conduct. How? I was to never get that answer, I believe!

Tea was served along with biscuits for all. We drank. But no one seemed to be aware of drinking it. But our Guru was seen relishing it without uttering a single word. I didn’t like it. We were in hell and yet, how can our Guru enjoy her tea and be relaxed? That seemed callous to us. (Callous – being insensitive, heartless, cold, harsh, very cruel)

Contd...

# Me, My Guru, dreamer, sadhan getting boring, expectations and conditions, desires and their fulfillment, situations don't make or break us, disturbing emotions, calmness, beingness, stillness, 

read related posts too https://kantipadam.blogspot.com/search?q=Worm+and+the+elephant+ 

Points to ponder:

"Today, everyone seemed restless as I entered the class. And I had thought I was the only one irritated today. " - We feel everyone is out there to get us when we are filled with fear. We feel the World is a beautiful place when we are joyous from within! It's the same people and the same World and yet, we find them to be different on two different occasions! The reason being our STATE OF MIND! Wouldn't it be easy and useful for us if and if only we worked on our state of mind to make our life easier and happier? Think about it!

"But, looking at everyone’s face, it was evident we all had brought our baggage of emotions of frustration, anger, and irritation to the class today." - Just read this statement as many times as possible! Be with it for a couple of minutes. Go through your past events and your state of mind! Wherever we go, we carry our baggage of emotions with us. And WE DUMP it on the places and people we encounter in our lives. And to think and say that a certain place or person is negative, well is it justified? Every time you meet someone look at the baggage you are carrying and dumping on to that person! Be aware of what you give and then you'll realize why you receive what you receive!!!

"And the person who was our ‘dumping ground’ – our Guru was sitting adjusting her saree (an attire worn by traditional Indian women). She must be humming some sweet melody, I presumed. " - Similar to this situation, it is possible that people dump their negativity on us sometimes in our lives too! But look at that Guru! She is calm and composed even though their energy is so negative! That state is a possibility! Our sadhan should be to reach that state! Our sadhan should be a practice on developing that attitude! Our sadhan should be "to be calm and blissful inspite of circumstances". That is the ONLY PURPOSE OF SADHAN!

"I mean where was that smile coming from otherwise? She seemed oblivious to our woes. She was in the middle of and centre of our negativity and yet remained calm, poised, smiling and gentle in her conduct. How? " - People will be what they are! YOU LIVE AND SHOW WHAT YOU ARE! DON'T let others behaviour DECIDE yours!

Look at the last para where Guru is considered to be callous. Is it true? If yes, why? If no, why? This is exactly how we name others. This is exactly how we judge others!

Me and My Guru

It was just one of those days when I didn’t have anything much to do .And I gave less thought to what to do on those days. Going to my guru’s place was the only choice I always made .Today was no different .I looked at my watch and it said 11am I knew my guru would be cleaning some corner of her house. I smiled .I was proud that I knew her so well .It felt good to think I knew HER.

By now I was at her gate .I opened it half expecting her voice to come across the house asking “who’s it?”But I was disappointed .I didn’t hear her voice till I reached her hall. There she was cleaning her book shelf humming a song. I stood at the door looking at her .She looked so happy cleaning her house. She was equally at ease when she was taking her classes. Now when I recollect I realized she was equally happy at both the times. That was a little surprising .When she was in class she was knowledge personified. She came alive people just lost themselves when they heard her talk. But here she was a nobody. Her work would never be appreciated or acknowledged. Her work would go unnoticed and yet here she was happily doing her cleaning. Oblivious to the admiration and adulation that she commended beyond this house.

This surprised me a bit I hadn’t realized this fact till date. She carried her success so light on herself. Amazing! The more I knew her the more I loved her.

“Are you going to stand there the whole day?” she asked. I nodded my head and smiled. Again, she didn’t have to turn to know I was standing there. I liked it. I didn’t like it.

I went in. I started dusting the articles and books kept there.

“And pray. Why that smile on that face?” she asked.

“Where in the hell did she learn to notice such minute details?” I thought.

“Nothing” I said aloud.

“That either means you don’t want to share it or you are not clear about it yourself” she said.

On God and ourselves – Me, My Guru

Contd….

On God and ourselves – Me, My Guru

“Now what is your response? How do you propose to deal in such a situation? What is your action plan going to be?”

“Now what is there for us to do? We are doomed! All these years we looked up to God to seek favours, protection and guidance and suddenly you say either HE is busy creating newer world oblivious to our woes and presence or that HE has lost the way to find us and is as lost as we are! Our future seems bleak for sure in such a scenario…what is there to do?”

It was more of painful and fear filled vent out of cry coming from us than the answer to her question and she rightly pointed it to us.

“That is the fact you are re-stating and your state of mind in such a scenario and coming to know of it. But my question is how do you propose to deal with yourself and the situation in such a scenario?”

Today she seemed causing more pain and inflicted and injected fear more in us than anything. It was on such times I regretted being her ‘student’. It was more comfortable and easy to be ‘others’ student where they answered to the point (if and when they knew) and then sent us home. Though I had come to love her in my own little way, she instilled fear more than anything in me – well most of the time!

contd......

suggested reads: https://kantipadam.blogspot.com/search?q=self+help

lessons that could be learnt/questions answered : 

a. how being in a secure place is a wrong place to be
b.how we treat everything and everyone that pushes us towards our higher potential as a threat and project our anger towards it/them
c. only when we let go off of our anchor can we sail in the deep oceans of possibilities

Me, My Guru Love – Bhagavatam

Me, My Guru

Love – Bhagavatam

We arrived a bit early today! We sat under the Mango tree in the courtyard. She was to come ½ an hour later. The morning breeze was cool enough to make us feel good and sunlight was warm enough for us to want to bask in it for some more time. The weather today was awesome! No, I didn’t notice this till others expressed it so. It was then that I realized that I was so oblivious to so many ‘good feelings’ around me. No doubt, they were more smiling and happier than me!

Suddenly someone asked “Are we actually benefitting from these classes? Obviously by way of ‘knowing data’ but are we applying it and letting it transform us and our lives?”

This was exactly what I was thinking before I heard it. It was as if someone had picked up my ‘idea’.

“After knowing about redundancy of doing rituals ‘blindly’ and mechanically, I’ve changed my approach towards my sadhan’ I started.

“Did you stop doing it all together?” someone asked and we all ended up laughing. I laughed too! Because, that was how I would have understood it earlier. Many other ‘statements of hers’ were also gloriously misunderstood in the similar way by me. I laughed at that possibility. And I thanked ‘her’ for being patient with me and insisting enough to push me to do ‘sadhan’ all these years which had resulted in this understanding. It was so easy to say “I understood on my own. I heard it elsewhere and I thought of it myself” and rob her of her credit. No, she never kept count of these credits. But it again reflected ‘my character’. How did I understand and why

not 10/20 years back, before meeting her? Why you took so long to understand? People were manipulative enough with their bent logic to not recognise scores of counselling that she gave. They didn’t validate her explanations. Her healing too was not taken into account. When understanding happens, the credit goes to me! And when things don’t work out in my life “why maam/God, when I trust you so much then why is this happening to me?” So simple! When things go wrong it is reiki/Guru/God’s mistake and when I achieve something ‘the whole credit is mine’. How convenient was that!

This was not my ‘understanding’. It was Rahul who explained everything to me. He also told me one more thing that hit me. ‘People who think they are smart use her name and quote her and get away doing what they want to do and what they want to say. They keep saying ‘oh, she taught us so much and yet when we look at their attitude, actions and character we see that they are lying and only fooling people to believe that they have ‘gratitude’ when in fact they don’t have any. They say these things to fool their students and project the ‘expected behaviour from their students’ this way.’ Then I noticed this game which others were playing and trust me, it really hurt me a lot! I respected and loved her more for all that she was receiving from ‘such students’.

But, I am glad atleast today and on this issue I am on this side of this line. I thanked her, reiki and myself too for sticking to her so long and not to have left her for someone else! Yes, it did take 20 long years for me to complete just this stretch of journey but am I glad I did it!

....contd.....

Poem by Neeraj – Jeevan jo katna tha kat gaya...

...contd.....

Poem by Neeraj – Jeevan jo katna tha kat gaya...

That set me thinking as I was looking at the body – oblivious to all the chatter happening around it. The ‘prana’ life which sustained it had left it and am sure wouldn’t want to linger around after being set free of this limitation called the body. It has broken the ‘shackles of confinement in this body’ and let itself loose and free.

Would it matter if its life was a good one or bad?

Did it wait to look at the balance sheet of this life?

It just moved on.

It lived and it let go when the time came. 

It set itself free through a process called death.

It came, lived the way it chose to (good or bad, right or wrong) and then blended into the ‘Dao’ (Universal Energy) and yet the people assigned so many values to it. But to the spirit that lived and moved on, do these values make a difference, I wondered! 

Do we analyse unnecessarily where we need to find an excuse to heal ourselves or to work on our way of living and attitudes? Why do we do it if we are doing it? Is it because analysing is easier than changing ourselves for better?

Now read the poem once again and may be you’ll understand it better. I have given the meaning of ‘hard words’ at the end of the poem for your ease and then get back to me.....

Angulimaan, the Saint

Contd….

Angulimaan, the Saint

Angulimaan was rebuked by all for his previous act and nature. He didn’t justify himself or his acts. He didn’t hold others responsible for his behaviour. He simply went on with his life.

People would abuse him when he went asking for alms (as that was one of the rules that had to be followed by the Buddhist bhikshu – monk). He did not get angry. He did not fight them. He bore those insults as a way to cleanse himself.

People whose family members were killed by him came in large numbers to kill him and Buddha gave his word to them on his behalf about his changed character. Angulimaan did not run away afraid of the harm that can befall him by those angry people. He was even ready to receive their punishment and went on with his daily routine.

His fellow students weren’t all that cordial on trusting him. Yet, he went on with his healing proceures.

He was facing insults, threats, dislike, hatred, distrust, loneliness and rebukes. He put on with them and kept up with his healing procedures, daily routine and meditation.

Contd….

previous posts worth going through again: https://kantipadam.blogspot.com/search?q=ill+treat

https://kantipadam.blogspot.com/search?q=oblivious

On writing Diary – Me, My Guru

Contd.....

On writing Diary – Me, My Guru

But my writing has stood by me like an old good sensible friend. I’ve always learnt and enjoyed from what I had written. Be it about my experience or about chaos called ‘me’. Either way, my writing has surprised me more than once. Whenever I’ve looked at old writings, the stories, examples and the confusion – just about everything seemed so profound. Sometimes, I found out that I was the same me – then and now. Few times I was amazed to observe the journey that I’ve completed and the distance that I’ve travelled during all these years. When I looked at life with present day issues, I always felt “Oh God! Why is my life a mess? Why can’t I ever be happy? Why doesn’t things work out like in others’ life for me? But if at the same time if I go down memory

lane thanks to my writing, then I found out how many times Reiki had come to my aid. How my life has changed! Then it was time for ‘gratitude’ instead of cribbing and complaining. I would revisit so many miraculous events in my life which even I had forgotten. Our Guru usually reminded us to our ‘miracles’. We would be surprised. How does she remember each of our experience, doubts and the answers she had given us? But with my writing I always revisited an experience, understanding or an emotion like confusion/feaqr that I had long forgotten. I’ve understood one thing thanks to this writing; we

cannot rely on our memory much. We forgot most of what was useful or sensible to us. The painful parts we always certainly remembered! Her simple words ‘do this’ always had immense sense in it. We found it out if and when we followed her instruction – even if just blindly. That was the best part of being ‘My Guru’s’ disciple. We didn’t have to believe her or her words. Even blindly following her words gave results. Belief

followed later and she never seemed to be worried about that much – as much as she was insisting on following the technique regularly. This writing really gave me this understanding. Yet I didn’t extend it to other areas of sadhan as regularly as I did writing. I smiled at myself. We all stuck to one or two of the techniques and came to same conclusion and yet never put sincere effort to follow her words to T – ever! If simply following one technique could give such results, what would and how would out lives shape up if only we followed all her words! If for sure would’ve been ‘enlightened like in previous birth itself!’.

Let people have their fun by laughing at me. I’ll walk my path and belief stemmed from my experience will guide me to yonder shores of absolute freedom and thereby abundance.....

Some horn of the passing vehicle brought me back to now and I looked at watch. Time to go home! I walked towards my vehicle. Other couples were oblivious to their surroundings. This water body was same for them and me and yet we both received what we desired on its shores. Our intent and desire decides what we receive – not the place, time or situation! Wow, I was glad with this revelation. Water really had its way of enlightening people, so to say and I had my bout of that enlightenment just now.....

Concluded...........

suggested reads : http://kantipadam.blogspot.in/search?q=monkey

On receiving

(Incredible India, Kashmir)

Me, My Guru

On receiving

It was one sunny morning when we were enjoying our tea break during one of her classes. Class had its’ own pace as usual. We were relaxed and cheerful as we always are in her class. We were sharing our personal jokes as it was ‘tea-break-time’. It was then that Srinivas walked in somewhat dejected and sad. He wasn’t his usual cheerful self. What was more surprising was that he didn’t even acknowledge our presence. He usually exchanged pleasantries with us whenever he came to meet ‘her’. But no such thing today! It really must be some thing very serious that he was experiencing. We mused! We were more worried for him than find fault with his behaviour. We immediately started sending reiki for his issue, whatever it was to be resolved.

He came and sat beside her with head bent and blurted “Why am I not getting anything that I need in my life? How long do I need to suffer?” there was pain in his voice which was so obvious that none of us missed. We all became silent – as if we were showing him that we stood by him in this tough time. Ofcourse, he was oblivious to his surroundings!

She just nodded her head and asked Kavitha if there was any tea left. Kavitha said there was enough for 3-4 persons. She asked her to bring tea and also two empty cups with saucers. She did this so coolly that we were surprised. Here was Srinivas obviously in immense pain and here she was asking for tea. But part of us was also curious as to see the course of events, because we knew by now that her acts especially her response – bizarre as they were meant something always without an exception!” This ofcourse we understood later but her word or an act was never redundant. They had some significance which gained our awe when we understood it later.

....contd.....