On knowing self -Me, My Guru

On knowing self -Me, My Guru

Contd.....

A man filled with lust sees object of his desire everywhere and a Buddha sees Buddha in everyone!

And hence Ravana saw ‘object of desire’ in Mother Sita. The fault was not in Sita ma. It was in his eyes and character. Like-wise, Buddha saw ‘a divine soul’ in a highway dacoit – Angulimaan who went on to become one of his best and Enlightened disciples. A sadhak can get ‘message from his Guru/divine’ even from a film. I experienced it. We just had to be tuned to our Guru’s vibrations and they have their own way to reach and teach us. This I call as ‘play way of method’ of her teaching.  

In similar situations, I had pitied her so many times for patiently teaching us and coaxing us to understand ‘the teachings’. Not this time! I didn’t pity her. Neither was I angry with self. I felt gratitude for all the love that our Guru exhibited through her teachings. Yes love found its expression through minute excuses. And what did I give in return - A bland and a routine ‘thankyou maam’ which sounded more mechanical than genuine now even to my ears. I had to live her words. I had to ‘let go’ off my causes of pain by simply applying her time tested techniques. I by living a life of abundance gave her one of the best gifts.

She said ‘don’t argue, defend or justify’. Now I saw it. We didn’t

let go because we had our reasons to hold on to our hurts. Yes, the other did hurt and insult us. They don’t understand us. We justify our emotions of pain, hurt by their actions. It wasnt’ as if ‘she didn’t understand’. She did and hence gave this simple technique “don’t justify or defend’. If I didn’t justify my emotions then the talk of him (the one who hurt) didn’t arise and then how could I go on in this ‘pain trip?”. She wanted just that. She wanted us to get down that train that took us to ‘hell of pain and suffering’. And all I need to do was ‘stop defending and justifying’.

Once this continuous chatter of others being wrong and us being right stops we are in a space of silence that reflects our Nature to us! That’s what was our question “how do I know and understand self?” she had bundled all our issues under one head and gave a simple panacea of tip “Stop defending and justifying” and thereby ‘letting go’ and automatically entering the ‘Me Zone’.

God – it was so obvious and yet I had wasted all these years. Even if I had simply followed her ‘do’s and don’ts’ it could’ve brought me here long back!

Well. Better late than never!

contd.....



suggested reads : http://kantipadam.blogspot.in/search?q=crab

http://kantipadam.blogspot.in/search?q=causative+factor+of+confusion

on knowing self - me , my Guru

On knowing self - Me, My Guru 

Contd.....

'‘Let go’ – This should be key word while I suffer. Period! No arguments, no ifs and no but’s!”

I felt the pain in my hand and realized I was still holding the empty tea cup. I put it down. The pain brought me to ‘NOW’! If an empty cup can give me ‘that pain’ how much more should carrying all those hurts, pain etc should be giving me?

Seven years back I had understood the importance of ‘let go’ and yet I was where I was. What is the benefit of understanding if I didn’t apply it in my life?

I hadn’t changed in all these years and ‘NO’ it isn’t good to remain so! Change is essential and symbol of life and growth. If I

had changed for better, then the luggage I was carrying of pain wouldn’t be there. Only if I ‘let go’ can I actually ‘move on’. I closed my eyes and took deep breath. Just couple of days ago she had said “Don’t justify, defend or explain your actions’. Then I didn’t get it. I was excited about applying little realizing its implication. Now I get it. She meant ‘Let go’’. When words and actions of our ‘so called’ near and dear ones hurt us, ‘let go’ off their words. No point holding on to their words which only drags us more deep into the pit of ‘hurt, pain and suffering’ and yes that was the death of our happiness, peace, sense of self-worth in short ourselves. What is it worthy of? However real and painful were the words and acts, to save self I had to ‘let go’ like that ‘grail’.

With eyes closed I went through the scene mentally. Our Guru had often said “Depending on our intent and desire we received what we were looking for from every nook and corner”.  Her one more famous quote was ‘You are what you read’. Today I saw that. How many of us connected films with spirituality? Certainly not me! And ‘she’ has taught me so beautifully through that English film.

contd...... 

suggested reads : http://kantipadam.blogspot.in/search?q=put+it+down

Wisdom and greed - Me, My Guru

Wisdom and greed - Me, My Guru

Contd.....

I sat back with my tea cup and took a sheet of paper from the pile. It was dated long back. I had written it 7 years ago. I couldn’t believe it. This was amusing and interesting. What had I written then? I started reading as I sipped my tea. Why did Zen people say we had sit silently and sip tea with total concentration? Where was fun in it? Sipping tea reading something that you loved was the way to ‘nirvana’. I need to explain that to those Zen people some day. But for now I read through my yesteryears’ thoughts.. “I was bored today”. God! This seemed to be one thing common in my life since then – boredom, well “Didn’t feel like doing anything”. Even today I felt same. So, I haven’t changed. Wow! But wait! Is it good or bad? Certainly good! If I assumed it to be bad, it would ruin my entire day. No. Today, I wanted it to be perfect. So, I decide it is good that I haven’t changed. I continue reading “I was bored today. Didn’t feel like doing anything in particular and in order to while my time I

thought of catching up with my old friends – actually my school

mates. Couple of calls later it was decided that few of us were to meet at potti’s place. His name actually was Srinivas but what with every other guy named Srinivas, we called each with his nickname and it stuck till date. Funnily no one was finally called Srinivas at all! (I smiled as I recollected these details). As was my habit though it was decided that we meet around noon, I ended up being there at around 2pm. When I opened the door I found all of them watching TV seriously. I shouted ‘hi’ cheerfully only to receive ‘sshhhh’ and ‘just shut your mouth and watch (and in vernacular language that sounded so.....) from them. I did. They were watching ‘Indian Jones Movie’. I hadn’t seen it before and my friends knowing my habit of not watching classic movies made me sit and watch it. It almost was in the end. I would anyhow not make head or tail of it. Being bored but forced, I sat there staring at the TV. Even though I wasn’t interested Nature seemed to work through my Guru to teach me, that I understood when the scene hit me. The scene was something like this “A man is trying to save his girlfriend who has fallen into the pit by holding her hand. But she is not ready to let go off ‘the holy grail’ and hence dies falling into the pit/crevice. By this time the man has fallen into the pit and is in the same position as his girlfriend was. His father – Sean Connery holds his hand and says calmly, simply “Indiana, let go” and his son – Harrison Ford let go’s of ‘the holy grail’ and he is saved”.

Acting of Sean Connery and Harrison Ford – par excellence! What voice modulation and what dialogues! Simple words – ‘Indiana, let  it go!’ and it tells all. No lecture, no shouting - Very powerful scene all together. From cinematic point of view I could go on and on. This scene forced me to go to watch the movie from beginning to end. 

contd......

Wisdom over greed - Me, My Guru

Wisdom over greed

Me, My Guru

I had couple of days of holidays and having nothing significant to do, thought would clean my writing desk. This was my sacred space and everyone in the house knew it. I didn’t let anyone clean it. No one dare touch it too. I smiled at the thought of fear instilled in others by this ‘principle’ of mine. I felt good! Yes people should know my boundaries and know not to cross it too! I was sort of proud of power over them.

Though I considered this space as ‘My space’ no place in the house actually was messier than this! This was my special space and yet....well, artists are known to and forgiven of their clumsy surrounding. I smiled at the way I

addressed myself as ‘an artist’. This actually ‘irritated’ my family but well, that was their problem. I wrote here, I wrote all the proceedings of our class, my thoughts, my inner turmoil – well was I not a writer? What if it wasn’t published? I didn’t let these small details spoil the joy of me assuming myself as a ‘writer’.

My writings were all scattered on the desk. Many papers had to be sorted and filed too! Today was going to be a very long tiring day. But at the end of the day, I knew the all sorted papers and files would allow me to take pride in using the day very productively. Just the picture of that evening gave me ripples of joy and smile spread all over my face.

Family members were so used to this exercise and my behavioural pattern that now they hardly noticed it. They just let me be.

First 15mts or so was very productive what with me being very energetic and enthusiastic about this ‘janma bhoomi’ programme (that of cleaning and clearing the space). Quite some time passed and I knew I had completed lots of work and need a tea-break. I looked at the watch and it said ‘only hour since you started cleaning’. I thought it was lying. I didn’t like my clock. Now it made me feel and question my need for tea-break. But then, who was I answerable to? It is not how long I worked that mattered but how much. Yes, quite number of papers was sorted. I did deserve that break. Moreover today was my ‘holiday’. Yes, and I had right to pamper myself a bit. I shouted for my cup of tea to be brought.

Contd.....

On knowing self - Me, My Guru

On knowing self - Me, My Guru

...Contd.......

We were silent for a while. Shreya seemed to be going through our Guru’s explanation mentally. Few minutes later she said “Actually Guru my pain is not because of these reasons. I’ve healed these many times and now these reasons don’t seem to effect me much. What confuses me and irritates me is the fact that I know I am not selfish and yet seem to be affected by those labels. I am also confused if what I think about myself is different from what I actually am. Maybe, I am not able to see my ‘real nature’ myself! How do I work on that?” she asked.

I felt so relieved when I heard those words. I had this issue since long but wasn’t able to word it right. She was almost there. I wouldn’t say 100% but mostly there. Now I waited for the answer.

“Stop defending yourself and stop explaining yourself. We defend ‘ferociously’ people whom we love and ourselves. Stop doing that. Suppose someone says “your children fight a lot” don’t jump to explain how sweet your kids are, how they love each other etc. That moment they are fighting, let it be. Don’t work ‘hard’ to establish ‘their image’. It’s a very painful process. The same applies to self too. If someone says “God, you look fat” don’t explain your diet chart, workout schedule etc to them. Don’t ‘justify’ how you look or what you are. You consider yourself thin in relation to last month but they must have seen you after 10 years so let it be. Everything is relative in this world. So relax, smile and move on. Don’t explain or justify yourself or your actions.

That doesn’t mean you stop explaining why you went out and why you came late or spent so much to a family member. Don’t mix up issues. Don’t use my ‘correct rules’ in wrong places to get away with your wrong acts and intentions” her voice had authority as she concluded.

This was always the case. Many of us used her ‘right tip’ in wrong places and then quoted her while doing that. She really got angry at times.

Then she went to explain the same giving various examples and situations, but I didn’t need to listen to any of it. I got the gist of it all “Stop defending and explaining yourself” simple! As I understood when I later discussed with others was not only was this to be done externally but also internally. Yes, in the ‘inner chatter’ that we had too, we should stop ‘justifying ourselves’. This actually brought down the quantity of clutter talk. Such simple technique and yet such powerful results!

I was happy and so did others seem to be! I didn’t need much by way of explanation this time. If others who applied vouched by this technique, then all I had to do was apply it and see.

It wasn’t something that I could do on my own. I needed situations and people to apply it. Now I looked forward to face such situations so that I could apply it and see the results. It would take atleast 3-4 months for me to notice some change. I was ready to wait. I was excited to apply too!

With meditations and healing myself all these years I have come to know and understand others well..but it was myself that I was falling short of understanding or knowing completely...I didn't know where and how to start and go about it...."Stop labelling and defending yourself and stop justifying yourself" made it seem so simple. I could already see it's effect on myself and my state of being. The rest fell in place automatically. Though the technique was simple its' application would take a good toll on my patience and I knew it with experience. It would take time but where was the hurry as long as I knew where I was heading and how to go about it.....

Rest of the session was just a haze for me. I received what I needed. I felt rich and left her place feeling so............

Sometimes I received solutions which didn't give me immediate proof of their effect but over the years I had developed that trust in her and her techniques that I knew I received what I needed....I had applied her various and seen results and found them effective - always....and knew somewhere deep down that this too would show results....I still couldn't see and understand how this would solve my issue or address my state of being but it no longer mattered. I was ready enough to go with the technique and learn along the way...a smile played on my lips and I felt lightness in my steps.....

Concluded...............

On knowing self - Me, My Guru

On knowing self - Me, My Guru

...contd.....

It hurt more when the person was someone whom you counted as your own!  

“What exactly is the cause of your pain?” our Guru asked.

“Sorry, we didn’t get your question” we said.

“What is the cause of your pain? Is it them calling you ‘selfish’ or you not being that or they misunderstanding you? Which one hurt you?” she asked.

We were confused. I mean “are they not related?”

“They all are inter-connected” said Shreya after a while.

“No, though they seem to” replied our Guru “See, if you are ‘selfish’ then it shouldn’t matter as they just said the Truth. If it is not so, then also it shouldn’t matter as it is not true. It just means they don’t understand you. That’s all! Here you don’t seem to be hurt by their misunderstanding instead you are hurt that you are labelled so. Am I right?”

We nodded our heads.

“Then my explanation is enough to make you see reason – right?” she asked.

“yes” said Shreya.

We were silent for a while. Shreya seemed to be going through our Guru’s explanation mentally. Few minutes later she said “Actually Guru my pain is not because of these reasons. I’ve healed these many times and now these reasons don’t seem to effect me much. What confuses me and irritates me is the fact that I know I am not selfish and yet seem to be affected by those labels. I am also confused if what I think about myself is different from what I actually am. Maybe, I am not able to see my ‘real nature’ myself! How do I work on that?” she asked.

contd.........

On knowing self! Me, My Guru

On knowing self!

Me, My Guru

....contd......

Our Guru came and took her seat silently and went into meditation. We aped her. When we opened our eyes, actually I felt relieved of the knotty feeling I was carrying in my stomach since two days. I looked at others to notice ‘pleasant’ look on their faces too. She hadn’t talked. She didn’t explain anything. She hadn’t healed (or that’s what we thought!) and yet by simply closing our eyes and doing meditation we felt relieved of our burden. I had tried it at home for the past two days and without any benefit and now......Is this what is called ‘Guru’s effect’?

“You look a bit disturbed” our Guru asked Shreya directly without going through any pleasantries. She usually never went through the small talk. At first I used to think it was rude on her part but now I knew it to be different. She didn’t talk because it was expected of her as a formality. She used her voice only to explain or say something substantial. I never heard her say “Oh, isn’t it cute?”, “it’s so hot today, isn’t it?” or something as common as “so, how’s everything?”. There never were vague or unnecessary questions or statements made by her. Coming to think of it, it reduced so much of ‘waste talk’ (as I understand later!)

“One of my relative called me ‘selfish’ and you know I am not. It’s hurting me so much. I tried to explain but no one was listening. I feel so frustrated and angry. I mean, how can someone call me ‘selfish’? In so many years, is this what they have understood about me? Is this what they think of me?” blurted Shreya crying. It must’ve been very raw wound and it seemed to hurt her a lot. I could understand that. I was in her shoes since couple of days. Even I’ve been called ‘arrogant’ by someone close by me. It hurt. I mean we presume people whom we call family knows us but here these were the people who were assigning all these ‘wrong labels’ on us!

...contd.....