On love and lover!

 

On love and lover!

I thought I was in love.

I thought I loved.

And,

I felt sad, depressed, angry, frustrated that my love was not returned.

I was angry that I still remained unfulfilled.

My desires were not attended to.

I was where I started.

Then with tear filled eyes I looked at my lover.

First I saw all the pain and suffering inspite of being in love.

And then, as I kept looking at my 'love' I SAW

I saw that 

I was suffering because I was waiting for something in exchange for my love!

How stupid of me! And how stupid of my love!? 

Then I saw that just loving Him was worth everything...

then I saw that loving Him was all that mattered.

I didn't have to look for returns in this love.

Just the act of love redeemed me of all my pains

and then I knelt down and thanked Him for letting me love Him!

# on love, lover, expectations, conditions of love, returns in love 

also read : https://kantipadam.blogspot.com/search?q=I+lessness 

Questions addressed : 

• What is love?
• What should I expect from love?
• Desire and love - is there a connection

Points to be understood :

• As long as you seek anything - any type of gratification, returns, fulfillment from the object of love you DON'T LOVE!
• When you expect something in return to what you give then that is barter system. In Business (since barter is a form of business), there is bound to be pain and suffering. There is bound to be loss and failure. Your expectations will break and yes, you will cry more than you laugh.
• But when you love, it makes you pure over time and you walk from one state of happiness to an another ONLY. There is no loss or failure here. There is no expectation that is broken and no suffering that comes out of it. Love frees you. 
• conditions bind you but love frees you!

On Gratitude :

I knelt down in gratitude as I watched birds fly.

I knelt down in gratitude as I watched sunset.

I knelt down in gratitude as I could kneel down.

and then I kept kneeling down for reason after reason and had to stop when my legs could support my feelings no longer..........

Day five:

In sanctuary, Forest officer had arranged various activities for our group. Rahul and Aziz had gone trekking. I didn’t think it was a good idea especially in the hot forest area going to tribal museum and such activities looked equally boring to me. So I joined my guru on the “Machaan”. It was on the tree among the branches a small wooden plank which was used usually by the hunter while hunting - what we were doing sitting on it I didn’t understand. We weren’t hunting then what’s the purpose of sitting on it the whole day? I felt so stupid within few minutes. Fear also crawled slowly into machaan and took grip of me. I started imagining all sorts of wild animals climbing it and I tried to divert my focus but I was finding it difficult. There was one forest guard with us and that was some solace for me. He was explaining hunting habits of various animals in the jungle. My guru was listening with so much of interest. What was so interesting in that irrelevant talk I didn’t understand. But, I was caught in a situation where there was only one choice and that was no choice.

We were to notice various animals coming to the water pool to quench their thirst. At last, at around 4pm my guru decided to go back to our guest room and I thanked her and my stars silently.

As we were sipping tea in our guest house. I asked her unable to contain myself any longer “wasn’t today wasted totally? May be you didn’t understand /think this actually to be so boring? Right?”

“No not at all!” she replied excitedly. On the contrary, it was beyond my expectations. I enjoyed it thoroughly. In that limited space on that tree top we hardly could move and we had to be so for more than 6 hours. I could practice “stillness” there. Yes, being still is a huge task. But can I do it when forced by the circumstances was the question that was bothering me since long. I could. I had to be so still and also so silent to be able to listen to the sounds of the forest - so varied and in so many ways. In that silence I went into meditative mode and I experienced “me-lessness” a state where I ceased to exist and then I became only a witness pure and sheer state of blissfullness.