On being useful and successful!
Please clarify :
I received a wonderful gift this Diwali from
someone ‘special’. During our conversation the person said “You do rangoli,
cook well (because the person realized I cook some items that people are
supposed to buy only over the counter) blah blah blah....what is the ‘use’ of
all this talent since you are not anyhow ‘successful’ (huge stress was on the
successful)....me not knowing anything is same as you knowing everything....i
‘pity’ you and your life”...
Now I at no point said anything as ‘me being
great because of knowing xyz or having any ability....yet....what does that
statement of ‘not being successful’ mean? Why ‘pity’?
What am I supposed to infer and how am I
supposed to take it and apply it in my life?
I am sure few of you must have had brush
with such ‘good and sound’ advice in your life....how did you deal with it?
Thank you in advance......
4 comments:
Greetings Mam,
Happy Diwali to you and your family :)
First of all , I would thank you for giving us this opportunity to answer your query :)
I guess you are kind of playing some sort of leela to check how your shishyas have improved in their understanding etc..
or
how soon will they give back an answer when their guru is in a kind of mental distress
etc..
(My random thoughts - Apologies if I'm unnecessarily writing out of context)
Irrespective, What ever it may be. We all are glad and thankful to you for this opportunity.
Also Appreciate your patience in waiting for our point of view / answers on this situation. Took a little while to understand your intent of asking this question and what could satisfy you as an answer. So Going by order :
I suppose your main question is about
a) Being Successful
b) Others trying to pity you/us (based on their understanding) and we kind of becoming confused as to what is correct?
a)Being successful or Measure of success :
Everyone has their own point of view about things/situations which might/might not be correct but will surely be acceptable/non acceptable to others based on their own life experiences , desires , upbringing , choices etc...
Example:
Assume India Vs Australia cricket match.
Match , Venue, Game, players etc.. everything is the same, But people belonging to each team/country will term themselves as winners/successful if their choicest team wins. choicest is the key word here :)
Assume India won the match, All Indians will feel successful, proud etc.
Imagine a third person who had bet his money on India's loss and since India won the match he will be unsuccessful in his attempt.
So even though the result is same ie.. "India winning the match" but 2 different people ie..
1) The people of india
2) Third person who had bet his wealth
still have different point of view and hence enjoy / suffer as per their own choices, desires etc.
Giving one more examples on these lines :
1) A person wants to sell his car which he has used for 2 years and on the other hand another person wants to buy a second hand car and improve his driving skills before he buys a brand new car for himself. So the "Success" mantra differs for both of the parties involved in this transaction even though the object ie.. Car is same.
For the Car's owner, Success is to sell off his used car and for the buyer success is to buy that used car for whatsoever purpose.
So you, me or anyone on this planet SHOULD NOT SUFFER OR FEEL BAD when others try to judge you or define your talent as successful or un successful.
2) For a mediocre student getting 80% marks is success but for an very aspiring and intelligent student 80% marks is the reason for his depression , self pity etc..
3) For someone leaving a job is success as they were Ill treated, paid less etc.. but for someone else getting the same job is success as their previous one was still more traumatic and worst.
So success is not same for everyone. In short I guess we can term Success as individual's desire or choice. (Which they might make based on their life situations,expectations etc..)
So you do not have to worry even an iota about what your relatives describe about success. It's their own choice , what is important is what you wanted to become, what you wanted to do with your talent etc.. and not what they want :)
It's simple :) I hope I make sense :)
I need some more time to explain about "Pity". I will write back mam :) Please allow me some more time.
Meanwhile if you get a chance please do let me know if my explanation helps you.
--Vaibhav
I think the advice doesnt really deserve a second thought. Yes, earlier people used to say such things to me, but most of them have got (or atleast heard of) my response so they dont dare to say anything now :-D
Coming back to the person in question. If this person does rangoli well, she is already successful at rangoli and if she cooks well, she is already a successful cook. If she is peaceful with herself, she is a successful human being.
Unfortunately, success in todays world only means material achievement (more money) and I hear a lot of people say XYZ is more successful than me (just means XYZ has more money. He may not be better in any other aspect).
So, if money is the only thing she wanted and she has less of it, ofcourse, she is unsuccessful and everyone else in her life who have less money seem unsuccessful to her. But that is HER definition of success. :-)
As one of your posts said, "You are exactly where you ought to be", so there should be no place for pity in anyones life, be it in your own eyes or someone else's. We tell others that we pity them, just to make ourselves look and feel better. For some people, pulling others down is the only way to go up.
So if I was in the persons shoes, I would send some reiki to my friend to give her some peace of mind, and meditate to forgive her.
Greetings Revathi Mam,
Appreciate your patience :)
(I took 2 long weeks to revert back)
So Writing about Pity.
What is pity ?
It's feeling bad about something or someone seeing their misfortune!
Once again let me say that misfortune is in the eyes of beholder only!
For Ex :
1) People visiting water parks in US or Japan might pity on seeing the Dolphins/Sharks being enclosed in glass or small water pools (Small = when compared to their natural environment ie.. ocean) but actually it might have so happened that these dolphins/sharks might have been rescued from poachers who were about to kill them!
2) Other animals too viz.. Lions, Bears, Tigers which were rescued from Circus might have been living a better life in Zoo or any other private/govt enclosures but we might think that these animals belong to Wild and should be let out in Forest, However we must note that since these animals were caged since their birth they would not have hunting capabilities and its better for them to stay in enclosure rather than let out in Forest.
3) You might pity seeing a person who walks using a walking stick but who knows he might have recovered from a more drastic situation and was totally bed ridden for many months and is himself very happy as he is able to walk now! So other person who is feeling pity becomes meaningless totally.
Just like we say one man's food is other man's poison, Similar what seems to you success or pity might not be the same for other!
In short people write their own definitions of Success! Just like you posted mam, Success is a journey and not a destination.
There is no universal measuring tool for success or happiness.
P.S : I've given those 3 examples above to explain my point of view, It doesn't mean I support them or encourage them. Please use them further at your own discretion!
Sorry : I've write that P.S. more clearly.
I meant :
P.S : For everyone who's reading this, I've used those 3 examples (caged animals, zoo etc..) to explain my point of view, It doesn't mean I support them being caged or being them kept in big tanks or artificial environments or encourage them. Please use them further at your own discretion!
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