Me, my guru

…contd….

“I asked the tree this question once and the tree said ‘I can because I don’t have past to live up to and a future to worry.  I do what needs to be done now – and the time does the rest.” She continued oblivious of my suffering “The tree could TRUST the moment and shed her leaves completely.  She didn’t think ‘what’ll people who’ve seen me full think of me if I become bare no.  like-wise it didn’t bother about future thinking if leaves don’t come again, then what about my future and security.”  A person who doesn’t need to uphold an image of the past or worry of the future only can ‘live the moment completely’ and only sucha  person can ‘Trust’ the process, nature, reiki, God – why eve me?” she chuckled and she uttered last words “To trust one should have ‘no ego’.  No person with ego can trust.  You should surrender yourself completely to the other to have Trust.  It means you need to ‘submit yourself’ in toto and that cannot happen as long as ‘YOU’ exist.  Only when ‘YOU’ no longer exist can you put your faith in me or reiki – clear?” she patted my cheek and left with a smile leaving me there to digest the entire conversation.

All these years, I put the blame on her, reiki and God to prove their greatness, goodness and asked them to give reasons to trust them.  No, on the contrary, I was finding excuses to not trust them.  I would judge situations, their actions and asked them to conform to my specifications and if they deviated I jumped with joy and said ‘see so, I can’t trust them.’

But, the problem was in my all through – no the problem was me.  I couldn’t submit myself completely.  I didn’t feel good with myself I needed time to collect myself.  I left her place even without saying goodbye to her.  How long it would take me to process this whole fact I don’t know.  Till then, I preferred not to meet her…….

I hope I don't take long to understand it – because I didn’t wish to be away from her for too long too!

I sat down and cried…..