On the Road Trip

….contd….

Day Six Night 10 pm

We had had our dinner and were all seated in the lawn of the hotel where we had checked in.  No one dare open the morning topic in my Guru’s presence.

“How can she loose her temper?” it was Venkat’s voice.

“There is no difference between her and us.  She gets angry just as we do” joined Pinky’s voice.  “She is afterall a normal person like you and me” added Nithya.  She seemed pleased with that understanding of hers.

Rahul couldn’t wait for others to spit their opinion.  He just started “before talking anything about her, just look at yourself…….” He was still explaining when I left that place.  Yes, I just got up and left…. I didn’t wait to hear any of his statements or theirs’.  I was walking alone on the road…the full moon lit the road and trees generously.  The whole place looked lit up.  The cool breeze added to the calmness that has engulfed me.  Smile on my lips and twinkle in my eyes and a joy that oozed out of my every pore.  I stood and looked at the moon.  The breeze on the road looked inviting.  I sat on it.

Today, something happened as I was looking at my Guru listening to the Swamiji in the Ashram.  I saw her listening to him with purity of intent that I can’t explain.  She seemed lost – lost to the commotion her anger had generated.  She had moved on.  She didn’t carry it.  She didn’t process it.  She wasn’t trying in anyway to do good the damage her anger had done to her image.  I knew it didn’t exist for her.  She herself was not trying to protect her image – why us?  The entire idea looked redundant to me now.

She had said many times “I am what I am.  What you think of me doesn’t change an ounce of what I am.  So it doesn’t matter to me as to what you think of me.”

Today, I saw her living it.  I experienced an odd mixture of feelings today.  A tear rolled down my cheek as a smile spread on my lips.  Let people do post-mortem of her words and actions.  And as long as they did it, they were no near knowing her. 

For once, I felt good when others didn’t understand her.  I felt I would think less of her if they did.  She wasn’t meant to be understood by all and sundry.  She was far more than that.  With that thought my analytical mind signed off and I gathered myself on that cold, chilly night – oblivious of my surroundings – how long I sat there, I knew not…..

....contd.....