On absence, love and relationships!!!

I was in Kashmir since a month....being away from home and most importantly from 'Our Guru's place' made this stay differently difficult and yet it gave me it's own share of happiness to me... It was confusing to me all through....what was it that i was undergoing....there was a pain - a sweet pain of missing not going to 'her place' and attending those sessions (most of which i didn't understand and few i even didn't accept or figure out then) and yet now that i wasn't in a position to go, i felt the absence more than ever...

this was a strange feeling...i never thought i would miss our sessions or being at her place so much....i never knew she had grown so much into me...this office job actually did me good in this way of getting to reveal this facet of mine to me....

I had this strange habit of collecting pieces of paper lying around at her place whenever we went to do the cleaning work (or seva as others would say)....no one noticed and no one seemed to care...many times I didn't even read them, yet would collect them....and they came handy now....as i was packing to come to Kashmir on official trip, i decided without any reason to just take few of those pages with me.....i went through them in the evenings in the still of my room...they seemed to come alive - i can't explain how and why but they did....i had my share of experiences with them and my understanding seemed to have increased like never before....was it the beauty of the place, the serenity of the mountains that peeked through the window of my room...whatever it was , it seemed to work best here ... i liked it.......i was enjoying it.....the pain of absence brought with it a joy of knowing a presence felt that went beyond barriers of time and space.......

i looked out of the window.......the mountain peak filled with ice seemed to calm me and a smile lingered on my lips for a long time to come..........

"Is this all love was about?" I thought! "When we notice someone's absence and hate that absence more than anything? More, even than we loving their presence?"  This paradox hit me hard......and I let this thought put me to sleep.....

contd.....