Different shades of gratitude

Me, My Guru

Different shades of gratitude

No, today was no class-day. But, it was meet and as always this meet was also special.  We met at ‘Her’ place and shared our experiences, talked/shared our understanding of any pre-destined subject, asked doubts, had them clarified, did some seva and sadhan and left the place late in the evening. Though we were supposed to leave by 6 pm, most of us stayed back till late night either one way or the other. No two days were repetitive, nor were they mundane and boring. They were always some learning or unlearning that happened at ‘her’ place.  I knew all this for sure as I had experienced, seen and realized it all these years. Yet, I always found some excuse to be late to these meets. Since, no one questioned, it became more convenient for me to come late. I knew right from start of meet we gained tremendous knowledge and know-how and yet…… why I cam late, well even I didn’t know after all these years or should I confess that I didn’t bother to find the reason. Yes, I never sat and questioned this nature of mine. Infact, I flaunted it as my ‘USP’ in front of others. Maybe I knew deep down that if I knew where the problem was, I would also know how to fix it. Fixing it meant being on time. Being disciplined! I didn’t want to do that. Yes, I wanted to come late and give excuses and state how I felt guilty of being late!

 

“Inspite of coming late you attend all the sessions whole heartedly, that’s all matters”.

“Don’t feel that you are coming late. Feel good that you fulfilling the other responsibilities of yours. You are keeping those priorities over and above your likes. You are so great!”

I knew none of them to be true, yet savoured every word of them. They gave me a high which I couldn’t describe.

I knew all this and yet, did nothing to change the way I was!

I was still lost in these thoughts when I found myself entering ‘her’ place. I saw others already gathered there and found them listening to Pinky.

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different shades of gratitude

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I envied her after knowing her. Now, not for her comforts or assumed perfect situation in life, but for her attitude. She chose to make a break-down situation into a break-through situation in life.

 

Later, I checked with Vidya, Rahul and Priya who were her childhood friends and neighbours to see if what she said was true. That’s because, I felt her story too difficult to digest. And they said “what she said is just tip of an ice-berg. God you should meet her family to know what she goes through”. That sealed all my doubts. My admiration for her increased multi-folded.

Here, she proved that “situations don’t make or break us. We use them to make or break us”.

The scope of gratitude widened so vast with Radhika’s explanation that I wondered if anyone could be out of it – as the people who hate us also are enveloped in it, I think there’s very little scope of someone not getting into the circle of gratitude.

 

Each one of us took a bunch of TYC to write to all who had negative feelings for us. But, we all decided that we wouldn’t post these cards to these people now. We would just write and keep the cards with us. This we decided as we thought –

a.       Those persons would pick up a fight with us if we sent them this card

b.      Though we thanked these people, most of us didn’t actually forgive or forget what they did to us – leave alone benefit because of their meanness or hatred towards us.

 So, we all decided that we would keep these cards here in a shelf and work on these issues sooner or later to remove our cards from here.

This was actually my Guru’s suggestion. Damn! Where does she get such ideas and can I add wonderful to it?

It was well past evening when our discussions ended and we took leave of her.

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Different shades of gratitude

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I also learnt that we should thank a person when he’s around. I shouldn’t let my ego come in my way. No point thanking him after he’s gone.

 

With tears still rolling my cheeks, I took a bunch of TYC to write to so many to whom I owed gratitude for ‘not being what they could have been’. Like “thank-you for not being too demanding’ etc. this would take quite sometime. Everyone started sharing their experiences with regards to this reason of gratitude and it was well past 3 pm when Radhika took us over to her person and reason for gratitude “I thank my mom and my hubby for being themselves in my life. My mom hated me since the time my memory starts. Being hated since childhood by one’s mom gives a freedom from belief systems like nothing else. For eg. She was my mom and mothers are supposed to be good to their kids. Mother would select her kid’s welfare over hers etc. none of this belief system held well in my case. I realized that any mother was a woman, an individual first and being mother was just a role she was playing. How she played that role depended totally on her choice and character. That’s all! She wouldn’t and can’t be ‘someone’ just because of her role.

 

I also learnt that just because she was bad to me, didn’t stop her from being good to my siblings or to her friends and family. One role doesn’t define who she was.

Emotion for one person doesn’t stop her from having exactly the opposite emotion for other person.

This automatically broke the glass of expectations of her or others in my life. If your expectation from your parent itself is nil, then how much do you expect from others. So I sort of got freed of expectations from others automatically. This brought down pain and suffering from relationships in my life.

 

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Different shades of gratitude

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Today, it was decided that we explain why we felt grateful towards ‘one’ person and then write a TYC after that to that person. And we were doing just that.

Pinky’s explanation made us realize that we take people who are our support system for granted. We hadn’t acknowledged their presence and contribution in our life. And yet these people had been there for us – unasked, unflinching, without any expectations and smiling all through with us. Now, would this gratitude add more value to their role in our lives? Would they be more loving towards us? Would they love us more? No. nothing of that sort would happen for sure. Many of us were thanking a person who was no more part of our life – then why this exercise of extending our gratitude to such people. I realized today that this way we didn’t give them anything. We gave ourselves ‘good feeling’ of being grateful. This act made us open to ‘seeing’ how others’ were silently loving, caring and sharing a part of themselves with us. This was to validate that act of theirs. That meant, we had to look beyond our selfishness and envy to look at others role in our life. We were actually opening up as humans. Yes. We were being grateful so that we could open our hearts to joy, peace, humility and purity. This thought moved me. Our Guru had said “Be grateful. Show gratitude for what you receive and yet we didn’t.

We understood the words and felt ‘oh, yes, we got it, don’t repeat’.  But today, I understood that she knew we didn’t get the import of words and hence would implore us again and again to be grateful. And yet ……

This was no simple class, I realized that. As I was collecting my thoughts everyone had finished their tea and Aana had started her explanation.

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Different shades of gratitude

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Pinky shares her blessing

I thank my mother in law for being my pillar of strength. I owe my gratitude foremost to her.  I didn’t know ABC of cooking. It was she who groomed me as a good cook and that too without once taunting me for not knowing cooking. When I wanted to do post graduation, it was again she who stood by me, convinced all at home and even bore the financial responsibility of my education. She would manage house hold chores so silently, seamlessly that I would be left totally free to do my studies. Not once did she make a show of it. Later when it came to job, it was she encouraging me to choose a career close to my heart. I still remember how she would keep even my saree for interview ready in the morning, complete all house-hold chores and even accompany me to various exams and interviews. I was dead frightened of going alone and facing exams and interviews and she accompanying me addressed that issue so beautifully. She would sit outside till I completed my exam/interview and then without grilling me about how I fared would simply take me to the nearest coffee shop to treat me to a strong coffee. This information of nearest good coffee shop she would gather while I was writing exam or facing interview. How a woman can become other woman’s best friend I learnt from my mother-in-law. She would listen to every neighbour’s woes and be their strength whenever they needed her. I asked her once “ma, what’s the purpose of just listening to other’s woes when you can’t solve them”. Very lovingly she replied “agreed I can’t give solutions but humans just want to be heard many times. Most can live with their problems, but what they can’t digest is the fact that they don’t have someone with whom they can share their complaints pain or suffering. I am just filling that void.

She taught me that “just to be” with someone is a big gift you can give to the other”.  Saying this she took a “thank-you card (TYC) and addressed to her m-i-l.

“So true. My neighbor just fills this void in my life” added Priya and addressed a thank-you card in her neighbour’s name.

“I always turn to my mother at such times. I call her at al odd times to dump my mental trash onto her ears. I always felt cathartic after talking to her” added Rahul.

“My wife fills that void” said Aziz writing TYC to his wife.

Almost everyone wrote a couple of TYC to someone or the other. This took more than an hour as everyone explained that person’s role in their life.

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